In many countries today, the average weight of people is increasing. What has led to this situation? What can be done to solve it?

#countries #weight #people #situation

Individuals in many countries are turning to be couch potatoes due to

increasing

Suggestion

increased

weight

. The main reasons for increase in

weight

are sedentary lifestyle and increased consumption of fast

food

. The possible solutions for

this

are taxing fast

food

restaurants heavily and educating the people to exercise daily and follow a healthy diet. Due to hectic work schedules and desk based jobs individuals barely get

some

one or some or every or all without specification

any

time to spend with their family members.

As a

result they

Accept comma addition

result, they

skip physical exercises. After starting

job

Suggestion

the job

a job

I have put on

weight

by around 15 kgs within a year as I have skipped health and fitness activities.

Moreover

, the rise in consumption of fast

food

also

responsible for

increase

Suggestion

the increase

an increase

weight

as fast

food

contains added preservatives and flavours.

Thus due

Accept comma addition

Thus, due

to the sedentary lifestyle and consumption of ready to eat items the individuals are gaining

weight

. The solutions to deal with problems of increased

weight

of individuals is the government can consider multiplying the tax rate on fast

food

items to surge its price and curbing demand for these products. To exemplify, many countries in

asia

the nations of the Asian continent collectively

Asia

also

have increased their tax rates on fast

food

items.

Additionally

government

Suggestion

the government

can conduct awareness sessions to create awareness amongst people

to follow

Suggestion

fitness activities and eat healthy

food

Such

sessions can help people understand the meaning of the saying “Health is wealth”. To conclude, the problem of growing obesity amongst individuals is due to extensive hours of sitting in

office

Suggestion

an office

the office

offices

and

surge

Suggestion

a surge

in demand for fast foods.

However

, these issues can be resolved by government by taking

initiative

Suggestion

the initiative

initiatives

an initiative

like imposing additional taxes on fast

food

and campaigning to follow

healthy life style

Suggestion

a healthy lifestyle

healthy lifestyle

and appropriate diet

food

. The problem of obesity is on

rise

Suggestion

the rise

around the world and if not controlled now it will be a concern for individuals around the world.

Submitted by shah.pratz on Sat Sep 21 2019

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

305 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries today, the average weight of people is increasing. What has led to this situation? What can be done to solve it?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that scientific work on plants and food is good. Others think it is dangerous. Discuss both views.

Some educationists think that international exchange visits will benefit the teenagers at the school. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.