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Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries today, the average weight of people is increasing. What has led to this situation? What can be done to solve it?

#countries #weight #people #situation
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Individuals in many countries are turning to be couch potatoes due to
increasing
Suggestion
increased
weight
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. The main reasons for increase in
weight
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 are sedentary lifestyle and increased consumption of fast
food
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. The possible solutions for
this
Linking Words
 are taxing fast
food
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 restaurants heavily and educating the people to exercise daily and follow a healthy diet. Due to hectic work schedules and desk based jobs individuals barely get
some
one or some or every or all without specification
any
 time to spend with their family members.
As a
Linking Words
result they
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result, they
 skip physical exercises. After starting
job
Suggestion
the job
a job
 I have put on
weight
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 by around 15 kgs within a year as I have skipped health and fitness activities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the rise in consumption of fast
food
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 is
also
Linking Words
 responsible for
increase
Suggestion
the increase
an increase
 in
weight
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 as fast
food
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 contains added preservatives and flavours.
Linking Words
Thus due
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Thus, due
 to the sedentary lifestyle and consumption of ready to eat items the individuals are gaining
weight
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. The solutions to deal with problems of increased
weight
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 of individuals is the government can consider multiplying the tax rate on fast
food
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 items to surge its price and curbing demand for these products. To exemplify, many countries in
asia
the nations of the Asian continent collectively
Asia
also
 have increased their tax rates on fast
food
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 items.
Additionally
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,
government
Suggestion
the government
 can conduct awareness sessions to create awareness amongst people
to follow
Suggestion
follow
 fitness activities and eat healthy
food
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.
Such
Linking Words
 sessions can help people understand the meaning of the saying “Health is wealth”. To conclude, the problem of growing obesity amongst individuals is due to extensive hours of sitting in
office
Suggestion
an office
the office
offices
 and
surge
Suggestion
a surge
 in demand for fast foods.
However
Linking Words
, these issues can be resolved by government by taking
initiative
Suggestion
the initiative
initiatives
an initiative
 like imposing additional taxes on fast
food
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 and campaigning to follow
healthy life style
Suggestion
a healthy lifestyle
healthy lifestyle
 and appropriate diet
food
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. The problem of obesity is on
rise
Suggestion
the rise
 around the world and if not controlled now it will be a concern for individuals around the world.
Submitted by shah.pratz on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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