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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Health and leisure Life has become much more stressful compared to our parent’s generation. As a result, stress related illnesses are increasing around the world. Why is stress such a problem in the modern world and what do you think can be done to overcome the problems caused by stress?

Over the past few decades,
stress related
Use the right word
stress-related
show examples
 diseases
were
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 a prevailing concern in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant part of the world. A sea change has been witnessed
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 health and leisure in the past than now. The following paragraphs would elucidate possible
reasons
Use synonyms
 and propose a handful of remedial
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
. To commence with the
reasons
Use synonyms
. The first
Use synonyms
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 is,
life
Use synonyms
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
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 faster than
the
Change preposition
in the
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 past. Everybody wants to live a luxurious
activity
Check wording
life
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 and every time they run
for
Change preposition
to
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 catch money.
Therefore
Linking Words
, every individual needs to
effort
Verb problem
work
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 longer and harder.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays keeping own car
become
Verb problem
has become
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 an increasing fashion, so to afford a car
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 have to work more hours to earn a
plethora
Check wording
lot
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 of money.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 do not have the relaxation time and their health is broken
due to
Linking Words
lots of
Correct word choice
excessive
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 weight.
In addition
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 increasing competition and challenges in every field of
life
Use synonyms
, lack of family and social bonding, increasing expenses, political instability, international tension, environmental pollution, longer working hours, high
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
 and dependency on technology everywhere are some of the main
reasons
Use synonyms
 the
stress related
Use the right word
stress-related
show examples
 problems are so high these days. Undoubtedly, every lock has a key,
So
Fix capitalization
so
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 some solution should be implemented. The primary solution is
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
that people
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 have to change their thinking. They too live
simple
Correct article usage
a simple
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 heart
instead
Linking Words
 of luxurious activity. They have to try to find
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
less stressful work and more leisure time.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 a recent survey shows that
people
Use synonyms
 who have more leisure than others are feeling less stressed at
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 more productive.
Hence
Linking Words
, by doing
this
Linking Words
individually
Punctuation problem
individually,
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are
Wrong verb form
one is
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 being more
happy
Correct word choice
happier
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 and
healthy
Replace the word
healthier
show examples
 soul. Another solution is
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 government would introduce health awareness camps to raise awareness
to
Change preposition
among
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
people,
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 where
older
Correct article usage
the older
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 generation shows their
young
Correct word choice
younger
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 generation how to live stress
free
Use the right word
stress-free
show examples
 and healthy
life
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, we need to understand that a healthy heart
more
Verb problem
is more
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 important than living
luxurious
Correct article usage
a luxurious
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. Yet, the government and individuals
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should put their best foot forward together in order to curb the menace.

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structure
Plan your essay with four clear parts: intro, two body parts (reasons and fixes), and a short conclusion. Each part should have a main idea in its own sentence.
grammar
Use simple, clear sentences. Check subject and verb (for example, 'life is fast' not 'life becomes faster than the past').
coherence
Keep ideas in order. Start with a main idea, then add a small example or reason. Use linking words like 'also', 'however', 'for example' to show how ideas connect.
content
Choose strong examples. A real fact or figure can help, but a simple example from daily life is fine if clear.
mechanics
Check spelling and punctuation. Capital letters at the start of lines and proper periods help readers.
structure
There is a plan with introduction, body, and conclusion.
cohesion
Some linking words are used.
content
The topic is clear and there is an effort to discuss both causes and fixes.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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