IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people think reading stories in books is better than watching tv or playing computer games for children. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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At present certain persons
belive
accept as true; take to be true
believe
believed
belief
 that book reading stories are
gain
Suggestion
gaining
 more knowledge rather than to watch TV and computer games like Xbox for
childerns
Suggestion
.
Accept space
.
 I will argue that why Book reading stories are so important for young kids.
Firstly
Linking Words
, nowadays in major cities current trend is teaching reading stories to kids because
this
Linking Words
 generation
don't know
Suggestion
doesn't know
 about their past culture and
traditionals
consisting of or derived from tradition
traditional
traditions
 details
hence
Linking Words
 many parents are interested to join
Linking Words
this activites
Suggestion
these activities
this activities
this activity
this activists
 so that they can get more motivation knowledge and same time get confidence
on
Suggestion
in
 their life.
Secondly
Linking Words
, for teaching these
lessions
a unit of instruction
lessons
 automatically
intersted
having or showing interest; especially curiosity or fascination or concern
interested
intercepted
entrusted
on
Suggestion
in
 their subjects
therefore
Linking Words
 many useful thoughts are coming, on top that new skills will improve like fast reading and understanding new words.
For Example
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
 As per American
doctors
Suggestion
doctors'
 research due to reading novels, kids brain functionality
is improved
Suggestion
has improved
improves
 a lot and always they are in
very positive
Suggestion
the very positive mindset
very positive mindset
mind
Use synonyms
 set. On the
otherhand
Suggestion
other hand
, Mainly,
this
Linking Words
 era youth is giving so importance to watching television and laptop games
therefore
Linking Words
 they
suffering
Suggestion
suffer
are suffering
 major problems like
Eye sight
Suggestion
Eyesight
 and over weight because don't have any physical
excerise
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
exercise
 and
continusely
at every point
continuously
continually
wataching
the act of observing; taking a patient look
watching
 it's effecting to Eyes.
Next
Linking Words
 is always playing laptop games they are learning negative things in their
mind
Use synonyms
 due to all the games are related to
killng
an event that causes someone to die
killing
 others and fighting
stranges
the property of being physically or mentally strong
strength
then
Linking Words
 automatically
lnject
for the most time
longest
 bad stuff in
mind
Use synonyms
.
For Instance
Linking Words
, recently in
UK school
Suggestion
a UK school
UK schools
,
Accept space
,
 13 years young guy
shotted
the act of firing a projectile
shot
 badly henceforth many students are
died
Suggestion
dying
 after
interagation
a sentence of inquiry that asks for a reply
interrogation
 he told it's
fun game
Suggestion
a fun game
 and gun operation seeking from
videogames
Suggestion
video games
.
For
Suggestion
In
 Conclusion, young buddies reading stories
is
Suggestion
are
 very useful in their
mind
Use synonyms
 functionality
moreover
Linking Words
 motivation and improving knowledge on their subjects rather than to learn
unwated
not wanted; not needed
unwanted
 things like shooting and
killng
an event that causes someone to die
killing
 others as
followed
Suggestion
follows
 in Videogames.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • imagination
  • creativity
  • visualize
  • deeper understanding
  • language comprehension
  • critical thinking
  • empathy
  • perspectives
  • emotional benefits
  • concentration
  • attention span
  • cognitive development
  • educational programs
  • interactive
  • stimulate
  • relaxation
  • reduce stress
What to do next:
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