IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it will cause some problems. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #age
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It is argued that population who works later at the
age
Use synonyms
 of 60, will cause some troubles. The essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement because older people have
weak immune system
Suggestion
a weak immune system
 and are ineffective enough to fulfil one's duties in a working community. Having a healthy body is an important thing to consider when applying for a job. During at the retirement
age
Use synonyms
, most individuals are not suitable enough in performing his or her
work
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 sentence was supported by Doc Willie Ong in an interview conducted to him through CNN Philippines
last
Linking Words
 June 2018. At some time, these
group
Suggestion
groups
 of people are more prone to different diseases because of having a weaker immune system. According to Dr.
Mayos
Suggestion
Mayor's
Mayors
 clinic blog about geriatric patients, it says that about 85% of the population are doing regular check ups and having maintenance medicines. If the community allows these citizens to
work
Use synonyms
, it could result
to
Suggestion
in
 an increase health risk for them. Engaging in
work
Use synonyms
 requires a well fitted body and an attentive mind. How
does
Suggestion
does this group of individuals concentrate
does this group of individuals concentrates
this
Linking Words
 group of individuals concentrates with their
work
Use synonyms
 when they are having the problem of remembering. According to a study conducted by the Cambridge University in 2012, entitled "How to Deal Pressure and Stress in a Working Environment ", it said that one's tension was due to the pressure in a working area. Having a lot of things to think and being
constrain
Suggestion
constrained
 to the deadline of the task given can increase the menace of emotional sickness. Even young generations experience
this
Linking Words
 situation, how much more will it result in an older
age
Use synonyms
 who are
more weaker
Suggestion
weaker
. If
this
Linking Words
 happens, one's job will be affected in an unnecessary way. The
age
Use synonyms
 of 60 and above are considered senior citizens already.
This
Linking Words
 is the time for elders where they should rest at their respective homes while enjoying the sunset or playing with their grandchildren. In conclusion, geriatric patients who still
work
Use synonyms
 at
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 can lead to a serious problem on their health both in physical and emotional being. Through
this
Linking Words
, the working place will
also
Linking Words
affected
Suggestion
affect
.
Submitted by gdtenebroso on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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