For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The human
Correct article usage
Human
show examples
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
works
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
consistently hard in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern life.
According to
a number of
people
, the reason is that individuals want to get
money
. I partly agree with
this
view and
this
essay will discuss whether
people
work
hard for only
money
or not. On the one hand,
money
plays
entirely
Correct article usage
an entirely
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant role in working hard.
People
consistently endeavour to
work
hard so that they can get not only more
money
but
also
high amounts of rewards.
For example
, most companies provide
people
with special rewards if they
work
very
productive
Change the word
productively
show examples
regularly.
Thus
,
people
try to be hard-working in order to get those rewards.
On the other hand
, there is another important factor associated with being hard-working at the workplace. Some
people
, who have a passion for their job, always try to be hard-working and give
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
best in their
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
irrespective of expecting any special reward because they want to feel satisfied and confident with the task which they complete successfully.
For instance
, studies have concluded that there is a positive link between feeling self-confident and being successful in a task which
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
to be worked hard.
Therefore
, many
people
give passionately their best in a job in order to achieve
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
high level of self-confidence. In conclusion, many
people
work
hard
due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
several reasons. I partly agree with the view that
money
is an important factor in the level of working hard, and
also
I believe that a sense of self-confidence and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
passion for a job is equally a determinant factor.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea discussed in the paragraph.
task achievement
Consider providing more concrete examples to support your arguments, which will make your points more convincing.
task achievement
Make sure to address counterarguments or alternative viewpoints to enrich the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your discussion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt well, discussing multiple reasons why people work hard.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a balanced viewpoint by recognizing both financial and personal satisfaction as motivators.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
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