IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that schools do not do enough to teach young people about health. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #schools #health
As the education system has advanced over the
last
 few years, the demands of the public from schools are increasing tremendously, and
consequently
, the performance of schools related to
health
 is in question by many. Though there might be a few exceptions, I am in consummate accord with the notion that schools are
underperforming
 in
this
 regard. Starting with what parents tend to expect from schools is to offer more than just formal education on the topic of
health
. In their view workshops, symposium and fun activities can be organised that may help students learn practical ways to improve their
health
. Consider the example: if students are given a lesson on hand-washing, there will be no doubt a reduction in the transmission of feco-oral germs, including typhoid. These sessions are likely to benefit students a lot in improving personal hygiene and overall well-being.
Hence
, in my view schools must include
such
 practical aspects in their curriculum.
Additionally
, people seem to doubt that schools spend enough on the aspect of physical training which is essential for being fit. Be it sports facilities or expert trainers, many schools are short of
them
an instance or single occasion for some event
time
. As
students
Suggestion
the students
 would not know how to keep fit, they are likely to suffer persistent
health
 issues throughout their life. Because of
this
,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 would suggest that a hefty sum should be spent on these facilities so that students are guided towards a healthy lifestyle. It can be concluded that the public does not find the current efforts of the school system enough to promote
health
 among its pupils. If schools provide practical lessons and fitness related facilities, that will definitely cater to the
health
 needs of its students.
Submitted by mraamirnawaz82 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: