IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #tourism #two #countries #-year #period #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The four pie charts compare the proportions of tourists visited from four different countries
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
 and
Germany
Use synonyms
 in the years
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1960 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the period of
beginning
Add an article
the beginning
show examples
,
Europeans
Use synonyms
 were
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
dominant in both countries,
while
Linking Words
Asians
Use synonyms
 were the significant visitors to
Australia
Use synonyms
 in 2010,
Europeans
Use synonyms
 remained top in
Germany
Use synonyms
 after 50 years. In 1960, the most number of visitors to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
 and
Germany
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
Europeans
Use synonyms
 with 53% and 45% respectively.
Britain
Use synonyms
 people were the
second
Linking Words
 highest commuters to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
, with a quarter of
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
, which
exactly
Add a missing verb
is exactly
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as the
USA
Use synonyms
 travellers in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Germany
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
Germany
Use synonyms
 had 20% of the
Britain
Use synonyms
 tourists,
10
Correct word choice
and 10
show examples
%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Asians
Use synonyms
. The
USA
Use synonyms
 people and
Asians
Use synonyms
 were the least significant in
commute
Wrong verb form
commuting
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
, with 12% and 10%. In 2010,
Asians
Use synonyms
 dominated
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all other countries in
Australia
Use synonyms
, with 63%,
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Europeans
show examples
Europeans
Replace the word
European
show examples
 percentage sharply declined from 53%to 10%, which was a major drop in
Use synonyms
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
 tourism. From
Britain
Use synonyms
 and the
USA
Use synonyms
, visitors experienced a fall of 5%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Europeans
Use synonyms
 decreased to 40% in
Germany
Use synonyms
, still remained top among others. It is interesting to note that, the
Use synonyms
Asians
Replace the word
Asian
show examples
 percentage increased from 10% to 25% as compared to the
USA
Use synonyms
 from 25% to 29%.
Britain
Use synonyms
 was the low country, only 6% contributed to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
German tourism.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, germany, europeans, asians, britain, usa with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: