IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The only way to improve safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. What extent do you agree or disagree?

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Road
Use synonyms
 safety is of paramount importance to all the public, regardless
whether
Change preposition
of whether
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its
Correct your spelling
it is
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 urban or suburban. Some people are suggesting that the only way to develop
road
Use synonyms
 security is by imposing strict punishments for people who breach the traffic rules. From my perspective, I strongly agree with
this
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 statement,
following
Correct article usage
The following
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 essay will discuss the matter in detail.
To begin
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 with, nowadays,
fatality
Correct article usage
the fatality
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 rate
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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road
Use synonyms
 accidents is on the rise.
For instance
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, the news media are publishing stories of deaths and fatal accidents on a daily basis. Cause for all these accidents are mainly
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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incompetent drivers.
Therefore
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, the governments should immediately mandate necessary actions to control
this
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 situation.
Furthermore
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, there are many ways to prevent
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
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 issues.
Firstly
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, the government should impose laws to suspend a driver's license if they
found
Add a missing verb
are found
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 guilty of a traffic rule violation.
This
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 should be strictly followed, so all the drivers will be extra careful and vigilant when they are driving vehicles.
Secondly
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, speed rules and regulations must be a top priority to protect people both inside and outside of the vehicle. There should be an automated penalty system to issue a ticket to the ones who are breaking speed limits.
On the other hand
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, pedestrians are
also
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 should bear the equal responsibility to sustain traffic security.
For example
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, they should follow proper
pedestrian's
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pedestrian
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 crossings at the right time without disrupting drivers. In conclusion, I strongly agree that strict punishments for driving offences will maintain and improve
road
Use synonyms
 safety.
Therefore
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, the authorities should tighten the rules to improve
security
Add an article
the security
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 of
all
Correct determiner usage
the
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 public.

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task achievement
Consider using a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that summarizes your main points effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure clearer links between sentences and paragraphs to improve the logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points and make them more convincing.
task achievement
You present a clear stance on the issue and maintain it throughout the essay, which is a strong aspect of your writing.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic by discussing the need for stricter punishments, which is relevant to the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • reckless driving
  • penalties
  • responsibility
  • cultural shift
  • safe driving habits
  • points system
  • repeat offenders
  • public safety
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • environmental factors
  • poor road conditions
  • inadequate signage
  • infrastructure
  • multifaceted approach
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