IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by young people in cities. what has caused this ? what solutions can you suggest ?

#years #rise #crimes #people #cities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A noticeable upsurge in the number of juvenile delinquencies has been observed recently and the emerging concept of nuclear families
,
Accept space
,
 in which
,
Accept space
,
also
Linking Words
, both parents are busy, increased socioeconomic stress and the impact of recreational activities being adapted in the modern world are some of the underlying factors to be blamed for
this
Linking Words
 state. It is the need of
hour
Suggestion
the hour
 that the individuals and the government should step forward and play their role in minimizing
this
Linking Words
 problem. These days, people prefer to live in nuclear families in which the children live with their parents only.
Such
Linking Words
 children
,
Accept space
,
 most of the time
,
Accept space
,
 are deprived of adequate care that they require at that tender of learning and character building as in most of these families
,
Accept space
,
both parents toil from dawn to dusk to fulfil the material requirements of their children and themselves and
also
Linking Words
 to cope with the increasing competition they have to face in
modern era
Suggestion
the modern era
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the children are neglected and are not taught properly to differentiate right from
wrong
Suggestion
wrong, thus
thus
Linking Words
 they get into
wrong doings
Suggestion
the wrong doings
 like getting indulged in offences. Previously, when the idea of joint families was more popular
,
Accept space
,
 even if the parents weren't available, grandparents would look after the children and would bring them up
this
Linking Words
 the number of illegal acts among teenagers was quite low.
This
Linking Words
 still holds true for certain countries like
Pakistan where
Accept comma addition
Pakistan, where
 the concept of joint families is still alive to some extent. Another factor
that is
Linking Words
 attributable to the present day increase in teenager offences is the present day popularity of certain video games and programmes. A recent recent divulged the fact that certain video games
such
Linking Words
 as IGI and PUBG
,
Accept space
,
 that are based on violence, have a significant effect on the neurological activities of the brain and these tend to tempt the children towards violent activities, which, intern, increase the delinquency rates among the very same people when they grow up a bit. In order to put a halt to
this
Linking Words
 extremely important problem, individuals need to pay keen attention towards the brought of their children. No wonder, fulfilling material needs of their children is
important
Accept comma addition
important, however
however
Linking Words
 some alternatives
,
Accept space
,
 like admitting their children into some authorized child bringing up facilities like day care centres
,
Accept space
,
 where these children will be given utmost care is important. The government needs to step forward in building up these facilities and should
also
Linking Words
 ban
such
Linking Words
 means of recreation like video games which can increase violence.
Submitted by kh.sara96 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: