IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that the development of technology help to decrease crime and other people think that would encourage crime to discuss both views and give your opinion

The development of
technology
Use synonyms
 has helped
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mankind to achieve impossible goals, reach unimaginable
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
 and explore many areas in detail. At the same time, the
crimes
Use synonyms
 that happen
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
technology
Rephrase
where technology
show examples
 is involved are
also
Linking Words
 increasing. In my opinion, the benefits that we gained from
technology
Use synonyms
 are abundant in comparison with the
crimes
Use synonyms
 it sometimes may lead to.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
 helps a government to enable safety for the people,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 CCTV cameras, lie detectors, alcohol level detectors, burglar alarms
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
. These are the most common things that help us to keep our belongings and life safe.
Moreover
Linking Words
, we are in an era of technological boom where we can get updated
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 any news at the very second and share any information
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 any random person in any corner of the world in no time.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the new developments allow us to lead a peaceful life by ensuring that our loved ones are safe.
For example
Linking Words
,
before
Change preposition
apply
show examples
two decades
, we
Rephrase
ago, we
show examples
 used to wait for a letter or a phone call from our family member when they
travel
Verb problem
travelled
show examples
 to a different place.
Instead
Linking Words
, in the new technological world, we can get live updates on where they travel, whom they meet, and they are even able to share the photos.
However
Linking Words
, we cannot just ignore the fact that
crimes
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 increasing because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological development. Apparently, the irresponsible use of
smart phones
Use the right word
smartphones
show examples
 by young people may lead to cyber
crimes
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is difficult to solve all the cases as they are in huge
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
. An Oxford
university
Fix capitalization
University
show examples
 study in 2017 on "
Crimes
Use synonyms
 initiated by
smart phones
Use the right word
smartphones
show examples
" says that about 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the
crimes
Use synonyms
 in a year are basically related to a
smart phone
Use the right word
smartphone
show examples
 misuse incident. Can we go back 20 years and live in a
gadget free
Use the right word
gadget-free
show examples
 world? It is really not possible, as many of the gadgets have become an essential part of our lifestyle. In conclusion, I would say that all the improvements in
technology
Use synonyms
 should be appreciated as they help mankind in numerous ways.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people should be educated more to handle the new
technology
Use synonyms
 changes with accountability and encourage the upcoming generation to apply their technical skills in a productive way.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your view clear in the introduction and keep this view in your essay. State a simple opinion at the end of the intro, and use one strong example for each side.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to connect ideas and make a clear path from one paragraph to the next. Put one idea in each paragraph and end with a short, strong conclusion.
language
Check small grammar points and punctuation. Use short, easy sentences and avoid very long phrases. This helps you be clear.
content
The essay tries to present both sides and the writer’s view.
structure
There is a clear layout with an intro, body parts and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: