IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that advertising has a strong effect on a person’s decision-making process. Others feel that it has little or no real impact. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #effect #person’s #process #impact
In
this
 day and age,
advertisements
 are a norm. We are constantly being bombarded with slogans on billboards, hawkers on the roads and the media marketing
products
.
While
 some deem that
this
 has an almost negligible influence on
people
, there are others who contend
advertisements
 strongly impact their choices.
To begin
 with, promotions are a way to boost the appearance or promotion of
products
, and marketers can go to any
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
 to display their goods.
However
, these are so frequent that it has
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to an understanding in
people
's minds - marketing is meant to display
products
, but does not focus on
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 reality. To exemplify, based on a variety of surveys conducted worldwide,
people
 are becoming smarter and can easily distinguish between fake and actual merchandise. There has been a decline in the number of
people
 purchasing expensive commodities, irrespective of the brand name. Apparently, these are only redundant methods that have no actual effect on some
people
. Despite
this
, children and some adults alike, get misguided by day-to-day commercials. Many of these
showcases
Change the verb form
showcase
show examples
 highly objectionable or harmful
products
; often promoted by well-known celebrities. To illustrate, recent
advertisements
 depict famous personalities, eating junk food, pretending it to be healthy. Clearly,
this
 creates a delusive image in children's minds about junk being fashionable. In the same way, advertising
products
 that are
otherwise
 banned can wrongly persuade young adults.
Thus
, publicity is influencing
people
 and their opinions. In summary, though some argue that
advertisements
 do not affect decisions;
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can be truly delusive on children
as well as
 adults.
Submitted by whtsappn6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your main points fully support your arguments and include more relevant specific examples to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Use more linking words and transition phrases to improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay. Organize your ideas and arguments in a more logical order.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: