IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is better for people to be unemployed than being employed with a job they do not enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #job
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it is presented that doing a career that
people
Use synonyms
 are interested in is more crucial than doing a
job
Use synonyms
 with no feeling of satisfaction, I do not agree with
this
Linking Words
 view and strongly believe that employers incredibly need to do their jobs in an accurate way to meet their needs.
firstly
Linking Words
, doing a profession not only brings a sense of fulfilment but can
also
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 contribute to meeting individuals' needs.
in other words
Linking Words
, unemployed
people
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 are at risk of dangerous health issues
such
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 as depression. so, by placing more emphasis on being an employer, it is noticed that doing a
job
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 as a routine activity can lead to significant benefits
such
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 as feeling a sense of satisfaction, even though individuals are not interested in their current career position. they ought to exert a lot of effort to achieve their satisfied and desired position.
on the other hand
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, a significant number of
people
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, especially employers who work at a company or institution, may feel a sense of disappointment
due to
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 many reasons. a prime illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is a person who has a full-time
job
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 to meet their needs, but
due to
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 a lack of time, they cannot dedicate a specific time for their leisure activities or meeting their friends or families.
therefore
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 it will lead to negative consequences
such
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 as dissatisfaction.
As a result
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, it is completely crucial to make an accurate plan to support all various personality needs and habits. in conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 prioritize
job
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 satisfaction over both a big salary or being unemployed. I would strongly argue that the workforce should make an effort to achieve their goals and positions by progress. being unemployed can contribute to harmful consequences
such
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 as depression.
Submitted by mahanz on

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Task Achievement
Try to clearly convey your stance in the introduction and conclusion to ensure the reader understands your position throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Aim to provide more specific examples to support your points effectively, as this will help strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions and ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea to improve logical flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a clear conclusion summarizing the main points, which ties back to the introduction.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the question and presented both sides of the argument, showing an attempt to balance the discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Job satisfaction
  • Mental and emotional well-being
  • Stress
  • Depression
  • Financial instability
  • Quality of life
  • Job dissatisfaction
  • Career goals
  • Skills and experiences
  • Networking opportunities
  • Social isolation
  • Productivity
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