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Band 4

Some people say International Sports events help in world peace. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #sports #events #world #peace
In recent decade, people think that peace
will be came
Suggestion
will come
 from sports. I totally agree with
this
 statement due to benefits of sports
such
 as establishing friendly relation as well as boosting national
economy
. One of the main reasons is that it
make
Suggestion
makes
 people
more closely
Suggestion
closer
.
First
, by holding sport events of international stature, it
help
Suggestion
helps
 people around the world to expose to different cultures.
This
 means that the country where hosts that events will attract a great deal of audience from
another
not the same one or ones already mentioned or implied
other
 countries,
as a result
 more and more people know about that nation as well as love their culture, language and so on. Take Viet Nam is an example, they
was chosen
Suggestion
were chosen
 to host the 31st Southeast Asian Games in 2021. Some 11,000 athletes and over 10,000,000 audiences are expected to participate in the SEA Games.
On the other hand
, another reason is that sports flourish
nation
Suggestion
nation's
economy
. Since sports are considered as a business in some countries, it
alleviate
Suggestion
alleviates
 the burden of national. In fact, sports develop
economy
Suggestion
an economy
 from lucrative
income
Accept comma addition
income, such
such
 as tourist, services, on
forth which
Accept comma addition
forth, which
 held countries gain profit
instead
 of making economic war.
For instance
, according to the report in 2018, contribution of sport to Viet Nam
economy
 increase by 8% compared with that number in 2017. In conclusion, it is true when we think that sports have many
impact
Suggestion
impacts
 on world peace. I strongly recommend that
government
Suggestion
the government
 should make more events to help people around the world
closely
Suggestion
closer
 together.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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