Some people say International Sports events help in world peace. Do you agree or disagree?

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In recent decade, people think that peace
will be came
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will come
from sports. I totally agree with
this
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statement due to benefits of sports
such
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as establishing friendly relation as well as boosting national
economy
Use synonyms
. One of the main reasons is that it
make
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makes
people
more closely
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closer
.
First
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, by holding sport events of international stature, it
help
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helps
people around the world to expose to different cultures.
This
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means that the country where hosts that events will attract a great deal of audience from
another
not the same one or ones already mentioned or implied
other
countries,
as a result
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more and more people know about that nation as well as love their culture, language and so on. Take Viet Nam is an example, they
was chosen
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were chosen
to host the 31st Southeast Asian Games in 2021. Some 11,000 athletes and over 10,000,000 audiences are expected to participate in the SEA Games.
On the other hand
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, another reason is that sports flourish
nation
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nation's
economy
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. Since sports are considered as a business in some countries, it
alleviate
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alleviates
the burden of national. In fact, sports develop
Use synonyms
economy
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an economy
from lucrative
income
Accept comma addition
income, such
such
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as tourist, services, on
forth which
Accept comma addition
forth, which
held countries gain profit
instead
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of making economic war.
For instance
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, according to the report in 2018, contribution of sport to Viet Nam
economy
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increase by 8% compared with that number in 2017. In conclusion, it is true when we think that sports have many
impact
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impacts
on world peace. I strongly recommend that
government
Suggestion
the government
should make more events to help people around the world
closely
Suggestion
closer
together.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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