IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Although many people value their public parks, this space could be for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and boost economies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #value #parks #space #purposes #areas #population #business #economies
According to some people the land occupied by public parks could be used for building houses and business establishments. I fully agree with the idea of building houses and office blocks in
such
 areas in order to meet the needs of the growing population and to increase the economic growth. Since the population of the world is growing at a faster rate than ever before, many countries are facing serious problems of housing crises.
As a result
 of population growth, an increasingly large number of people are becoming homeless. Those who are living in high rise buildings tend to have high health and safety risks due to inadequate space and poor living conditions.
For instance
,
Grenfell Tower fire incident
Suggestion
the Grenfell Tower fire incident
 can be seen as an example of fire risk in
such
 buildings.
Therefore
, the argument that the land of parks and open spaces could be better used for building housing for the homeless certainly holds water.
Similarly office
Accept comma addition
Similarly, office
 workers face problems due to inadequate space in the workplaces.
This
 really affects the productivity and the resulting profits of businesses. Building new developments in open spaces will provide opportunities not only for the new
businesses but
Accept comma addition
businesses, but
also
 for the existing ones.
For instance
, a recent research revealed that inadequate space in offices declines the performance of employees and projects by 10%.
Hence
 new business establishments will lead to better economic conditions and prosperity
for
Suggestion
of
 the countries.
n
Suggestion
N
 conclusion,
construction
Suggestion
the construction
 of new buildings and houses in the areas of parks is highly beneficial because it can tackle the issue of housing crises and accelerate economic growth.
Submitted by kashifrajput992 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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