Nowadays, adults do little exercise. Some people believe that the best way to address this issue is by covering great sports events such as the Olympics on television. Others think that it is more beneficial to take other measures. What is your opinion?

#adults #exercise #people #address #sports #events #olympics #television #measures

Lazyness

Suggestion

Laziness

happened among the grown – ups these days.

However

Accept space

while a solution for

this

is spread the information about big

sport

games like Olympics on TV. It

is argue

Suggestion

is argued

argues

that there are other methods that a lot of useful solutions like holding a small

sport

game in the area that we live or put up a contest for everyone to join in. I believe that there are many helpful ways to solve

this

problem rather than give information about huge

sport

games.

First

, there are many channels about

sport

games, but they are mostly watched by the old people.

In addition

, they watch

sport

shows for their entertainment, the game has not encouraged them to training.

For example

, my grandfather like to know more detail about of

sport

games,

however he

Accept comma addition

however, he

doesn’t want to practice like players but just a mean to entertain.

On the other hand

, free

sport

centers

an area that is approximately central within some larger region

centres

and

sport

events, improvement of the sports facilities are likely welcomed by the people and change the way people live.

Furthermore

, old age people can participate in free

sport

center

an area that is approximately central within some larger region

centre

to exercise to get healthy.

Also

, adults will come and practice outdoor activities with their families like swimming, running and jogging because they feel better and

less loneliness

Suggestion

less lonely

For example

, my father

always take

Suggestion

always takes

part in with me when I do my exercises daily. In conclusion, people watch

sport

Suggestion

sports

shows for less lazy is not a good option.

Instead

that opening more free sports

centers

an area that is approximately central within some larger region

centres

and spending time with the

others make

Accept comma addition

others, make

physical training more efficient and entertaining.

Submitted by nthanh10021997 on Mon Oct 07 2019

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

sedentary lifestyle
high-profile
public awareness campaigns
gym memberships
workplace initiatives
government policies
tax incentives
local community events
physical activity
accessibility
motivation
successful athletes
broadcasting
inspire
subsidies
regular exercise

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