IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some animal species are now completely extinct. Many people believe that we should prevent this from happening in the future. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Currently, an increasing number of people are
concerning
Wrong verb form
concerned
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 about the phenomenon that
animals
Use synonyms
 should be protected from being extinct in the future. From my point of view, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the diversity of
animals
Use synonyms
 helps balance the ecosystem. Ecological balance is important because it leads to the continuous existence of the organisms and ensures that no particular species are exploited or overused. If
animals
Use synonyms
 were completely extinct, they would not have the essential interaction with other species. Hunting sparrows can be considered as an example
,
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apply
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 since pests would cause severe disasters in the agriculture field.
As a result
Linking Words
, without preserving
animals
Use synonyms
, the living environment of mankind would suffer more challenges.
Secondly
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, it can not be denied that some
animals
Use synonyms
 are beneficial to humans as they are used for
medicine
Replace the word
medical
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 purposes . The loss of
animals
Use synonyms
 will affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medical development, so there will no longer
have
Verb problem
be
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 the right remedies to cure some dangerous diseases. In Myanmar,
for example
Linking Words
, small pieces of elephant foot are turned into a paste to treat Vernias,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 horns of endangered wild rhinoceros are widely used as a medical cure to treat cancer in all parts of Asia. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
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, buffaloes are known as
rice-grower
Fix the agreement mistake
rice-growers
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 because they help the farmers
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
lots
a lot
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 and have taken a key part in agriculture for a long time.
Therefore
Linking Words
, preventing
animals
Use synonyms
 will serve as a source of experimental subjects, which could potentially result in the discovery of life-saving medicines and vaccines. In conclusion,
due to
Linking Words
 all these advantages of
animals
Use synonyms
, the existence of them is very necessary. We should take action from now on to prevent them from
being
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 extinct.

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task achievement
You have addressed the question and provided a clear position, but your examples can be better aligned with your arguments and more developed. Try to elaborate on how the examples directly support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is generally strong, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, consider how you link the point about ecological balance to the example of hunting sparrows.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all points are fully explained and that the links between your points and examples are clear. Elaborating on your examples will make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Review your introduction and conclusion to ensure they fully capture your position and effectively summarize your arguments. Both are present but can be refined for greater impact.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have done a good job providing relevant points to support your argument. Your ideas are generally clear and easy to understand.
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