Some animal species are now completely extinct. Many people believe that we should prevent this from happening in the future. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Currently, an increasing number of people are
concerning
about the phenomenon that Wrong verb form
concerned
animals
should be protected from being extinct in the future. From my point of view, I totally agree with this
statement.
Firstly
, the diversity of animals
helps balance the ecosystem. Ecological balance is important because it leads to the continuous existence of the organisms and ensures that no particular species are exploited or overused. If animals
were completely extinct, they would not have the essential interaction with other species. Hunting sparrows can be considered as an example,
since pests would cause severe disasters in the agriculture field. Remove the comma
apply
As a result
, without preserving animals
, the living environment of mankind would suffer more challenges.
Secondly
, it can not be denied that some animals
are beneficial to humans as they are used for medicine
purposes . The loss of Replace the word
medical
animals
will affect the
medical development, so there will no longer Correct article usage
apply
have
the right remedies to cure some dangerous diseases. In Myanmar, Verb problem
be
for example
, small pieces of elephant foot are turned into a paste to treat Vernias, the
horns of endangered wild rhinoceros are widely used as a medical cure to treat cancer in all parts of Asia. On the other Correct word choice
and the
hands
, buffaloes are known as Fix the agreement mistake
hand
rice-grower
because they help the farmers Fix the agreement mistake
rice-growers
a lots
and have taken a key part in agriculture for a long time. Correct the article-noun agreement
lots
a lot
Therefore
, preventing animals
will serve as a source of experimental subjects, which could potentially result in the discovery of life-saving medicines and vaccines.
In conclusion, due to
all these advantages of animals
, the existence of them is very necessary. We should take action from now on to prevent them from being
extinct.Verb problem
becoming
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task achievement
You have addressed the question and provided a clear position, but your examples can be better aligned with your arguments and more developed. Try to elaborate on how the examples directly support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is generally strong, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, consider how you link the point about ecological balance to the example of hunting sparrows.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all points are fully explained and that the links between your points and examples are clear. Elaborating on your examples will make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Review your introduction and conclusion to ensure they fully capture your position and effectively summarize your arguments. Both are present but can be refined for greater impact.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have done a good job providing relevant points to support your argument. Your ideas are generally clear and easy to understand.