IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #countries #effects
Obesity which
Accept comma addition
Obesity, which
 is more and more
popluar
regarded with great favor, approval, or affection especially by the general public
popular
people
 with children in developed countries.
Overweighting
 makes people tired of their work.In which making a lot of
weathy
having an abundant supply of money or possessions of value
wealthy
wealthier
 nations standstill year by year.
in
Suggestion
In
 fact, Growing nations were alerted about
this
primely
serving as an essential component
primal
 situation. One of the
significant
Suggestion
signs
 for a rise in the weight of children is the eating
habit
Suggestion
habits
 and unhealthy
food
.
This
 is
beacause
for the reason that; on account of
because
 adult
peoples
a learner who is enrolled in an educational institution
pupils
 worked most of their
time
 and have no
time
 to prepare
meal
Suggestion
a meal
meals
the meal
 for own kids.So fast
food
 is the best choice for them.Beside junk
food
 is absolutely more
adivcted
compulsively or physiologically dependent on something habit-forming
addicted
educated
 and
tasty
Suggestion
tastier
more tasty
 than
famliy
a social unit living together
family
 meal and going with
that is
 high fat and calories are consumed.
In contrast
, fast
food
 is suitable for people who do not have
time
 for eating. In the real world, fast
food
 industries are growing faster day by day
.
Accept space
.
Limiting high-calories things should be done quickly. Connecting with many diseases may able to kill human after a short
time
such
 as heart-disease
,
Accept space
,
high-blood.
Furthermore
,
Accept space
,
if bad eating habit still not be controlled, country's
enconomy
the system of production and distribution and consumption
economy
, future generation
are effected
Suggestion
is effected
 enormously due to
this
 problem. In
conclustion
a position or opinion or judgment reached after consideration
conclusion
,
gorverment
Suggestion
the government
government
 should have more attention for human life.Not only helping
young generation
Suggestion
the young generation
 out of risky
threaten but
Accept comma addition
threaten, but
also
 maintaining or
may be
by chance
maybe
growthing
a barrier that has parallel or crossed bars blocking a passage but admitting air
grating
frothing
gracing
 more in the future.So be
apart
Suggestion
a part
 of it to make the life is worth to live.
Submitted by thucnguyen0306 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • caloric intake
  • processed foods
  • fast food culture
  • screen time
  • metabolic disorders
  • healthcare expenditure
  • lifestyle diseases
  • preventative strategies
  • nutritional education
  • public health policy
  • body mass index (BMI)
  • emotional well-being
  • stigmatization
  • exercise regimen
  • eating habits
  • junk food
  • socioeconomic factors
  • health literacy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: