IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent developments ever will. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#developments #lives #people
Developments
 in
technology
 over many
years
 have dramatically changed the world that we live in, and some
people
 think that earlier advances in
technology
 have had a greater impact on and
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 more beneficial to the
lives
 of ordinary
people
 than more recent changes.
However
, I partially agree with
this
 as the advantages and influences on
people
’s
lives
 actually
depends
Change the verb form
depend
show examples
 on the particular area of
technology
. There is no doubt that some earlier advances in
technology
 have been very influential,
such
 as those related to
technology
 around the home. Devices
such
 as washing machines, fridges and freezers, central heating, microwaves and televisions were invented many
years
 ago, and now nearly every household has all or some of these in their home, making life much easier. Though they have been improved over time, they still carry out much the same purpose as when they were first invented. Another example is that of medicine. Despite the fact that there have been groundbreaking recent medical
developments
,
such
 as that connected to research into genes and stem cells, the benefits to the average person are still many
years
 away. The most influential impacts on health have been earlier technological
developments
 of the past, which remain today. These are the ability to treat so many injuries and diseases and carry out organ transplants in hospitals. It is these that have benefits on so many
lives
 and will for decades to come. 
However
, if we look at some more recent
developments
, they have had a much greater influence than in the past.
For instance
, there is the phone, which was a significant development when invented
helping
Wrong verb form
to help
show examples
 many
people
.
However
,
although
 invented many
years
 ago, technological
developments
 over the
last
 few decades have enabled the phone to
now
Rephrase
apply
show examples
be mobile and connected to the internet.
This
 has had incredible impacts on the way
people
Iive
Correct your spelling
Live
 their
lives
 with
people
 using phones for so many everyday activities and for connecting around the world. In conclusion, I would argue that
although
 some older technological
developments
 are important, some new ones are too. The impacts on ordinary
people
’s
lives
,
therefore
,
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
show examples
 on the type of
technology
 in question.
Submitted by kunle.obisesan on

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Task Response
Good job addressing the prompt and providing a balanced perspective. Ensure that you fully develop each argument to strengthen your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have effectively organized your ideas and used cohesive devices to connect your paragraphs. However, consider using more diverse linking words and phrases for a more sophisticated structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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