IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that having a set retirement age of 65 years for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #retirement #age #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit #answers
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Pervasive, predefined
retirement
Use synonyms
age
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 of 65 years
have caught
Suggestion
has caught
 a lot of eyeballs off late. Especially because certain occupations may get too taxing to carry on after a certain point in life.
This
Linking Words
 has let people divided into two sections of thinkers where one of them feels that dragging along till mind-60’s is tad bit unjust.
Moreover
Linking Words
, considering the nature of the job and various
health
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 issues associated with it, benchmarking the higher
age
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 is quite harsh.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is safe to agree to those who believe in stepping down earlier than the set
age
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 based on the
occupation so
Accept comma addition
occupation, so
 that the employees can start leveraging pensions early on. Opining to the agreement on multiple
retirement
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age
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 can help citizens to do away with occupational threats. To start with, the senior personnel are spared from the perils associated with hazardous jobs.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a plethora of skill-based jobs like knitting, sewing, manual assembling, etc.
requires
Suggestion
Requires
 top-notch perfection without compromising its finishing.
This
Linking Words
 puts those in the
age
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 group of 55-65 years in a depleted condition as the pressure mounts on them to complete the task within the given time frame. Higher
age
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 is prone to ailments and
health
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issues blended
Accept comma addition
issues, blended
 with plummeting immunity levels.
Therefore
Linking Words
, along with jeopardizing their lives, the senior-aged workers are kept under the stress, leaving them vulnerable to mental
health
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 issues at a later stage. To exemplify, there
are
Suggestion
is
 a plethora of jobs that needs lowering the
retirement
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age
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 bar; truck drivers, construction workers and physical labours to name a few. In one instance, the carriage driver aged 59, met with an accident due
far-sightedness
a reduced ability to focus on near objects caused by loss of elasticity of the crystalline lens after age 45
farsightedness
 issue with his left eye.
Such
Linking Words
 life-losses are tragic. Relaxing the
retirement
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age
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 from 65 to somewhere close to at least late ’50s offers an ideal alternative. To conclude, the working-
age
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 should fit the workers’
health
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 conditions following their nature of employment. Getting pension at an
age
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 before the ones existing now will
also
Linking Words
 spare family from forcing old people to continue working. They should rather be sitting at home or running daily chores once upon hitting the lowered upper-limit to retreat with their family and loved ones.
Submitted by dave11karan on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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