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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

When new towns are planned, it is more important to include public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time into what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#towns #parks #sports #facilities #centers #people #time
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The New state commission has proposed development of new towns and it is indeed a welcome move by the government to take additional care in planning the new towns.
Nevetheless
Suggestion
Nevertheless
 the burning question is the priority that has to be decided between money generating shopping
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
 and the social parks and sports facilities. The idea of including a shopping
center
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
 might sound
fancy but
Accept comma addition
fancy, but
 it has greater benefits.Not only does it act as a place for people to
shop but
Accept comma addition
shop, but
also
 it creates an
opporotunity
a possibility due to a favorable combination of circumstances
opportunity
 for the sellers to attract viable shoppers. It caters as a mini economy where jobs are created,
upmoney
Suggestion
up money
 is earned and
furthermore
 customers have easy access to their needs.
On the other hand
, Parks and sports ground serves as the nurturing hub of the younger generation. On contrary to the popular ideology of associating these to the youngsters, middle aged people can use them for taking a
peacefull
not disturbed by strife or turmoil or war
peaceful
 walk their work and elderly would make these a meeting point and
thus
 it holds the roots of our communal set up firm. Do you remember how your town was 10 years back? I remember mine. I recollect playing in the public parks, I cherish the memory of making friends around the gym and I really miss the sports facility which introduced me to volleyball. Had there not been an unplanned
development we
Accept comma addition
development, we
 would have still had those
socialable
 places for our
next
 generation. On that note, I would like to conclude iterating my stance, I completely agree that parks and sports facilities should be prioritized over shopping
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
 when new towns are planned.
However
, Shopping centres could be clubbed with these facilities
thus
 making it a mutually
benefical
promoting or enhancing well-being
beneficial
 set up.
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    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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