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Band 6

Living abroad is better than staing in your hometown? Do you agree or disagree?

#hometown
When they become adults, young
people
 face the dilemma of whether to spend their lives in the place where they were born or move to other places.
While
 there are some benefits to living abroad, I would argue that it is better to stay in your hometown. The option to leave your hometown is attractive for several reasons. Many young
people
 want to experience living in a foreign culture. In
this
 way, they will have a better understanding of life, and broaden their horizons. In terms of their career, young
people
 who start to work in a foreign country may progress more quickly.
This
 is proven to be true on many occasions for immigrants
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 since living in unfamiliar locations
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 a certain pressure to become stronger and a sense of responsibility.
This
 may lead to promotions and a successful career.
On the other hand
, I believe that it is more beneficial for young
people
 to continue to live in their hometowns.
Firstly
, a sense of belonging is a beautiful thing to have in your life.
For example
, knowing your neighbours and shopping
from
Change preposition
in
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 the same places for years
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 you feel that you are not alone.
As a result
, life gets happier and more enjoyable
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to depressing feelings caused by loneliness in a foreign country.
Secondly
, in the early days of their career, the chance of spending a few more years in your parents' home can save you pretty decent amounts of money.
Instead
 of struggling to pay the rent and putting
too
Change preposition
in too
show examples
 many hours of work only to create that surplus of capital in remote countries, living in your own home is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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such
 a smooth path to choose. In conclusion, it seems to me that young
people
 are more likely to be joyful if they spend their lives in their hometowns.

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task response
Well done! Your response addresses the prompt effectively by discussing the benefits of living abroad as well as the advantages of staying in one's hometown. Make sure to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure with well-organized paragraphs. To enhance coherence, consider using transition words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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