IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

n many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people consider it valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

#n #countries #children #work #people #responsibility
It is common to see young children taking part in some sorts of paid
work
 in many nations. While
this
 has an adverse effect on children to some extent, it is my belief that those working children could gain greater benefits including working experience and personal responsibility. Admittedly, there are some problems associated with children engaging in doing paid
work
. From the education perspective, involving in
such
 activities may cause students to suffer from additional stress and pressure in their already busy studied lives.
This
 is because taking time to
work
 would reduce children’s time on studying and relaxing. To illustrate, my 17-year-old cousin used to
work
 part-time as a waiter and even though his shift only
last
 4 hours a day, his mental and physical health was negatively affected, leading to a reduction in his academic performance.
However
, there is a need to encourage children to enter the workforce for some reasons.
Firstly
, children engaging themselves in a working environment could get useful practical experience.
In other words
, by learning, academic subjects at school, children are less likely to develop their problem- solving skill, which they could learn if doing a part-time job.
Secondly
, since they are paid to
work
 and may be fired if not doing it well, children would be more aware of their responsibility and
this
 is one of the most essential factors for students to become a good citizen in their later lives. In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of allowing young students to go to
work
 outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by dieuha1422 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: