IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Technology has a positive effect on education. Do you agree or disagree?

#technology #effect #education
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Technology, which has offered many applicable methods in many aspects in the modern life, its influence on
educationhas
Suggestion
education has
 become a controversial topic nowadays. In my opinion, I entirely believe that it has a beneficial
effect
Use synonyms
 because of its positive
effect
Use synonyms
 on educational methods and students’
health
Use synonyms
. These advantageous impacts will explain
further
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay
beforecoming
Suggestion
before coming
 to a conclusion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, technology offers a variety of advanced methods in
education
Use synonyms
; it boosts the interactive learning method which has a significant
effect
Use synonyms
 on studying and teaching successful results. Japan, is one particular salient example, it has depended on technological devices and interactive application to educate its students, in the
last
Linking Words
 twenty years, which is
resulted
Suggestion
resulting
 in a
dramatically
Suggestion
dramatic
 increase
on
Suggestion
in
 its educational system rates in the world educational ranking.
Thus
Linking Words
, if educational authorities submit the computing and technological methods in
countries’
Suggestion
the country’s education system
country’s education system
education
Use synonyms
 system, it will probably improve the outcome of schooling system.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, despite the existence of some opinion in
favor
promote over another
favour
 of doubting that technology
is has
Suggestion
has
is having
has had
 a positive influence on
education
Use synonyms
. Advocates of
this
Linking Words
approach keen
Accept comma addition
approach, keen
 to mention that technology
has
Suggestion
have
 a serious
effect
Use synonyms
 on students’
health
Use synonyms
; they believe that electronic devices could affect children’s eyes and their backbone.
However
Linking Words
, it has assumed that
this
Linking Words
 thought is rather ill-founded as the fact might the opposite. Laptops and
I-pads
Suggestion
iPads
pads
iPod
 probably maintain pupils’
health
Use synonyms
 and improve their physical performance.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, many advanced gadgets have a myriad of features which help these children
to adjust
Suggestion
adjust
 the image appearance and the inclination of these electronic applicants’ parts.
This
Linking Words
 can be
further
Linking Words
 illustrated by a recent study conducted by the Faculty of Medicine of the University of Singapore, on 15000 children, showed that students who study by traditional methods are suffering from many
health
Use synonyms
 problems
such
Linking Words
 as Scoliosis, it is a deformation in their backbone, due to spending their study-time on uncomfortable status.
Consequently
Linking Words
, these advanced applicants could offer a healthy posture during studying, which prevent any negative impact on their
health
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, having manifested the above-mentioned benefits of
technologyusage
Suggestion
technology usage
 in
education
Use synonyms
, it seems to me that those advanced gadgets and the variety of technological methods have a significant influence on enhancing educational methods and pupils’
health
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by g.fattah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: