Nowadays many adults have full time jobs and the proportion of their lives spent on work is very high. Some of them are under high stress and ignore their other. What are cause and effects?

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It is certainly true that in
this
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modern
era
Add a comma
era,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
do a full-hour
chore
Fix the agreement mistake
chores
show examples
and they spend
their
Change the word
a
show examples
large percentage of their lives
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing
jobs
Correct pronoun usage
their jobs
show examples
. A few individuals have high stress and worries on their brain and they feel reluctant to talk with others. There are some reasons for
this
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and
also
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impacts badly in various ways Admittedly, there are certain reasons
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why some
people
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have tensions
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
and always ignore others.
Firstly
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, due
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this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
continues
Replace the word
continuous
show examples
rise of competition in
Use synonyms
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
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workers likely have to
work
Use synonyms
more and more and spend their whole
time
Use synonyms
in offices and jobs.
In other words
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, there is great competition among companies and all organizations want to compete
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
due to
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which employers force employees to
work
Use synonyms
as much as possible.
Hence
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, workers become unable to take
time
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to
expend
Verb problem
spend
show examples
on other activities and always feel
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
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and tiredness.
For example
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,
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
full-
time
Use synonyms
workers in Japan
have
Verb problem
are
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compulsory to
work
Use synonyms
at least 15 hours
in
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apply
show examples
a day so that companies can get better results.
Secondly
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, every single product has become expensive and
people
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have to
work
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around the clock in order to complete their basic needs and live
suitable
Add an article
the suitable
a suitable
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lifestyle and
due to
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these needs
people
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unlikely to take
time
Use synonyms
for their family members
However
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,
this
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affects not only
people
Use synonyms
's health
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
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negatively impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their relationship.
This
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is because when
people
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work
Use synonyms
for long hours without doing any other activity,
then
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this
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reduces the level of physical
as well as
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mental health of
people
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. In detail,
due to
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continuous spending
time
Use synonyms
in the working area,
people
Use synonyms
do not follow a proper diet and unfortunately face various health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
such
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as weakness in bones, weak eyesight and so on.
Furthermore
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, when
people
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spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
enough special-
time
Use synonyms
, on working-places and
unable
Add a missing verb
are unable
show examples
making
Change the verb form
to make
show examples
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
hours
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
their family and friends,
then
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it strongly-impact on
people
Use synonyms
's
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
. In conclusion, there are some causes, like competition between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies and busy lifestyle, that why
people
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are living stressful
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
, but
people
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face many difficulties related to their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
and relationships with
Correct your spelling
family members
show examples
family-members
Correct your spelling
family members
show examples
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task response
Improve the logical structure of your paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly presented to better address the task. Use more specific examples to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a more cohesive manner. Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear and logical progression of ideas. Pay attention to the structure of your introduction and conclusion to better connect your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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