Nowadays many adults have full time jobs and the proportion of their lives spent on work is very high. Some of them are under high stress and ignore their other. What are cause and effects?
It is certainly true that in
this
modern era
Add a comma
era,
people
do a full-hour chore
and they spend Fix the agreement mistake
chores
their
large percentage of their lives Change the word
a
in
doing Change preposition
apply
jobs
. A few individuals have high stress and worries on their brain and they feel reluctant to talk with others. There are some reasons for Correct pronoun usage
their jobs
this
and also
impacts badly in various ways
Admittedly, there are certain reasons that
why some Correct word choice
apply
people
have tensions of
their Change preposition
in
mind
and always ignore others.
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
Firstly
, due this
Change preposition
to this
continues
rise of competition in Replace the word
continuous
work places
workers likely have to Correct your spelling
workplaces
work
more and more and spend their whole time
in offices and jobs. In other words
, there is great competition among companies and all organizations want to compete each
Change preposition
with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
due to
which employers force employees to work
as much as possible. Hence
, workers become unable to take time
to expend
on other activities and always feelVerb problem
spend
stress
and tiredness. Wrong verb form
stressed
For example
, mostly
full-Correct your spelling
most
time
workers in Japan have
compulsory to Verb problem
are
work
at least 15 hours in
a day so that companies can get better results. Change preposition
apply
Secondly
, every single product has become expensive and people
have to work
around the clock in order to complete their basic needs and live suitable
lifestyle and Add an article
the suitable
a suitable
due to
these needs people
unlikely to take time
for their family members
However
, this
affects not only people
's health,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
negatively impact on
their relationship. Change preposition
apply
This
is because when people
work
for long hours without doing any other activity, then
this
reduces the level of physical as well as
mental health of people
. In detail, due to
continuous spending time
in the working area, people
do not follow a proper diet and unfortunately face various health problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
such
as weakness in bones, weak eyesight and so on. Furthermore
, when people
spend their
enough special-Correct pronoun usage
apply
time
, on working-places and unable
Add a missing verb
are unable
making
Change the verb form
to make
some
hoursCorrect quantifier usage
apply
for
their family and friends, Change preposition
with
then
it strongly-impact on people
's relationship
.
In conclusion, there are some causes, like competition between Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
the
companies and busy lifestyle, that why Correct article usage
apply
people
are living stressful lifestyle
, but Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
people
face many difficulties related to their body
and relationships with Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
Correct your spelling
family members
family-members
Correct your spelling
family members
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task response
Improve the logical structure of your paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly presented to better address the task. Use more specific examples to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a more cohesive manner. Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear and logical progression of ideas. Pay attention to the structure of your introduction and conclusion to better connect your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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