IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Q:Some parents think it is good to give their children mobile phones ,while others disagree.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#q #parents #children #phones
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
Linking Words
 it is considered by some that giving mobile phones to children is a good thing, other people believe that
this
Linking Words
 trend can have serious consequences in a child's life. In my opinion, children should not be encouraged to
use
Use synonyms
 mobile phones because they cause addiction and sleep disorders among children. On the one hand, According to some, children should be allowed to carry mobile phones because it enables them to stay connected whenever they want to.
This
Linking Words
 is particularly the need of today as modern society has become a danger to children
.
Accept space
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if they have mobile phones
,
Accept space
,
they can
use
Use synonyms
 in emergency situations to contact their parents which ensures the safety. Another important benefit of giving cell
phone
Use synonyms
 to children is that these gadgets can be used as a learning tool for them. By the
use
Use synonyms
 of educational apps and online dictionaries they can access the information in their finger tips
result
Use synonyms
 in excellent academic scores
.
Accept space
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is often believed that mobile
phone
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 by children may create problems in their life and I agree with that
.
Accept space
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
mobile
phone
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 can
result
Use synonyms
 in sleep deprivation in children as it interferes with the sleep inducing hormones
.
Accept space
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
its
use
Use synonyms
 during studies can distract the children and too much focus might be placed on the social networking sites which will
consequently
Linking Words
result
Use synonyms
 in poor academic performances.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
it will
result
Use synonyms
 in children glued to these kind of screens and
finally
Linking Words
 children may get addicted. In conclusion, despite the benefits of cell
phone
Use synonyms
,
I
Accept space
,
think that it would be problematic for them if they are encouraged to
use
Use synonyms
.
Accept space
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: