Nowadays,many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and the society?

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Introduction

One of the most conspicuous trends in today’s world is the reduction in quality

Use synonyms

time many

Accept comma addition

time, many

individuals spend at

home

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with their families and loved ones.

This

Linking Words

is caused by financial crises and high rate of traffic.

This

Linking Words

has some negative effects on the individual and the society at large.

Body paragraph 1

Firstly

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, many people

spend

Suggestion

spends

less

time

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home

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because they work extra hours in order to meet up major financial obligations. Take a country like

Nigeria

Suggestion

Nigeria, for example,

for example

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, most married workers are underpaid, yet there is an inflation in the country. In order to meet up with certain expenses (

such

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as house rent, children’s school fees and so on) they need to put in extra working hours to earn more.

Consequently

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, the

time

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spent at

home

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with their families will be reduced.

Secondly

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, an increase in

traffic especially

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traffic, especially

in major metropolis makes many individuals spend most of their

time

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on the road. A recent study by the Federal Road Safety Corps of Nigeria (FRSC) shows that an average individual in Lagos

spend

Suggestion

spends

most of their

time

Use synonyms

in traffic, which is due to overpopulation which

consequently

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leads to cars gridlock.

Body paragraph 2

One major effect of

this

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on individual is sleep deprivation. It is well known that an average individual needs 8hours of uninterrupted sleep in order to live a healthy lifestyle.

Thus

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, an individual who

work

Suggestion

works

extra hours has a higher chance of developing migraine and other health issues associated with sleep deprivation.

In addition

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, society at large tends to produce many hooligans.

This

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is because

offspring

Suggestion

the offspring

with less supervision by their parents are easily influenced into crime, robbery and other illicit acts

Conclusion

In conclusion, sleep deprivation, unhealthy lifestyle, increases

population

Suggestion

the population

populations

of hooligans are some of the effects associated with spending less

time

Use synonyms

home

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bolud.akinyemi

Oct 18, 2019

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Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

5.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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Nowadays,many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and the society?

Today, people are buying more consumer goods like jewelry and household appliances. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, a lot of children have health issues and are becoming overweight. Some people think that the government should be responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Q. Some people believe that the experiences children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future life. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.