IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

the growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the healthcare system. In an effort to deal with health issues involved, Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum .To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #healthcare #system #effort #health #education #lessons #school #curriculum
The spike on the counts of
obesities
 is placing more pressure on the health care system.In order to tackle the illness involved
,
Accept space
,
few
individual
Suggestion
individuals
 ponder that the ideal method to face
this
 issue by initiating increased physical exercise tasks added to the academics. I strongly agree because
lack
Suggestion
the lack
 of physical exercises
are
Suggestion
is
 the main cause for the
obesities
.
Accept space
.
 Today, in the fast paced world, many parents set a bad example
to
Suggestion
for
 their kids by not practicing jogging
,
Accept space
,
breathing
excercise
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
exercise
 or at least commuting by bikes to their office since they follow a tough
proffesional
engaged in a profession or engaging in as a profession or means of livelihood
professional
provisional
 schedule and the kids mirror their parents practicing less physical activities and end up with
obesities
.
For example
, a recent research study published in
Maclean canadian news article
Suggestion
the Maclean Canadian news article
Maclean Canadian news article
a Maclean Canadian news article
 says that the average population in
canada
a nation in northern North America; the French were the first Europeans to settle in mainland Canada
Canada
 suffered from
obesities
 were mainly due to lack of physical exercises.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: