In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and Internet access. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#countries #children #communities #access #education #people #schools #teachers #computers #internet

Children in remote areas of developing country are not receiving sufficient

education

so that some people think that building more learning spaces and having more teachers can address the issue.

In contrast

, others argue that

internet

Suggestion

the internet

and computer would be a solution. I personally agree with the

first

idea because of several reasons. Having

computer

Suggestion

a computer

computers

and

internet

are great tools to access to an endless

education

source. Online courses on the

internet

have a wide range of level, which students can easily find a suitable program to study gradually. Youngsters

then

have a freedom of choice to select courses they desire to learn whenever and wherever they want while

school

Suggestion

schools

the school

and teachers are

opened

Suggestion

open

and available

Suggestion

a certain time of the day and during

school

semesters only.

However

, online source is an opened archive where people can upload any kind of information included unreliable ones. While young individuals do not have sufficient skills to sift information and have free access to the

internet

this

might result in a low quality of self-

education

On the other hand

, teachers and schools bring a variety of positive impacts on children in mountainous areas. Going to

school

, offsprings

are provided

Suggestion

provide

a friendly environment and motivation from peers and teachers to learn not only academic

knowledge but

Accept comma addition

knowledge, but

also

life skills

such

team work

cooperative work done by a team (especially when it is effective)

teamwork

and public speaking.

Furthermore

, teachers teach standard

school

syllable, monitor and assess students’ performance on a weekly or semester

basic

a relation that provides the foundation for something

basis

Thus

, young people can be developed both mentally and physically when they are in

school

. In conclusion,

although

offering a tool to access to the

internet

indefinite article, "an" is use before a vowel sound, "a" otherwise

great solution to improve the accessibility to

education

of remote children, I think it is still better to have more physical

education

places and teachers for students to get

education

Suggestion

an education

Submitted by lulaluclacfamily on Sat Oct 19 2019

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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