IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Public celebrations (national days, festivals) are held in many countries. Some people say that these celebrations are a waste of money and we should spend money on more important things. Do you agree or disagree?

#celebrations #festivals #countries #people #waste #money
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Festivals bring cheer and provide an opportunity to celebrate. They help us forget the bitter realities of our existence and hope for a better tomorrow. Needless to say, people all over the world celebrate special occasions like national holidays and festivals. It is true that insane amounts of
money
Use synonyms
 are spent on these public
celebrations but
Accept comma addition
celebrations, but
 that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are a waste of
money
Use synonyms
 or other resources.
Festivals and national
Suggestion
National festivals and
 holidays are perhaps the most eagerly anticipated occasions of the year. The best thing about public celebrations is that they bring people together.
For example
Linking Words
, Diwali is celebrated in all parts of India.
This
Linking Words
 festival not only brings people
together but
Accept comma addition
together, but
also
Linking Words
 helps them stay connected with their culture and values. Nowadays it isn’t uncommon for different members of a family to live in different parts of the world. They hardly get an opportunity to meet one another. In most
cases festivals
Accept comma addition
cases, festivals
 are the only occasions they get together. One cannot put a price tag on the joy one gets from spending time with one’s dear ones. Diwali is
also
Linking Words
 the busiest shopping season in India. It is true that people spend enormous amounts of
money
Use synonyms
of
Suggestion
on
 gifts, sweets and fireworks, but one cannot overlook the boost
this
Linking Words
 Diwali spending gives to the Indian economy. In the same way, Christmas and the associated holiday shopping season bring cheer to the US and several other economies. National festivals
also
Linking Words
 foster national integration. They invoke a sense of unity among the people. When people celebrate an occasion together they forget about their religious, cultural or other differences. After examining the
situation it
Accept comma addition
situation, it
 is not hard to see why festivals are so important and how they help us stay united. And
hence
Linking Words
 the argument that public celebrations are a waste of
money
Use synonyms
 doesn’t hold much water.
Submitted by lulaluclacfamily on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: