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Band 6

In some countries, university students live at home with their families while they study in the same city, whereas, in other countries they live away from home while they study in another city. Do the benefits of living away from home outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, the majority of
students
Use synonyms
 have been residing away from their
families
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 to pursue study in another city. Some opt to stay with their
families
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, whether they are pursuing higher studies. Living with
families
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 is a strong support system,
whereas
Linking Words
 residing alone in another city provides a chance for
students
Use synonyms
' independence and responsibility for their careers. I believe that the advantages of living away from home outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, the primary benefit of living away from their family is a significant opportunity for
students
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' personal development. They are managing basic needs to financial poses, and they were able to manage independently how to cook, study, and manage time as well.
For example
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,
last
Linking Words
 month, the university conducted interviews with
students
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 about their lifestyle in a foreign country. The majority of
students
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 have the same answer that now they can get a decision by own more
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
 to tackle their problems, become independent, and they have more job opportunities.
On the other hand
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, living alone in a new city can bring potential disadvantages;
students
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 feel isolated and lonely.
Students
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 may feel under pressure in their new environment and culture.
This
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 transition could be hard for
students
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 because they are accustomed to their
families
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.
For instance
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, a new student with high aspirations may
initially
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 feel overwhelmed by loneliness and an unfamiliar place, which could affect their personal growth and self-confidence. In conclusion, living away from home during university education renders valuable opportunities and helps with self-motivation,
also
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 it helps to manage their own expenses.
However
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, it can
also
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 affect the result of feelings of loneliness and isolation of
students
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. Striking a balance between these aspects is crucial for
students
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 as they navigate
this
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 important phase of their lives.

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planning
Plan a clear intro that says your view. Use two body parts, each with one main idea and a short example. End with a short conclusion.
grammar
Use simple, correct grammar. Fix hard to read lines; some sentences are long or not clear.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words like also, but, and for example to show how ideas fit.
content
Give more real proof or clear examples from study or life to back ideas.
stance
Clear view that living away has more good points.
structure
Good use of two sides with on the one hand and on the other hand.
content
Some examples are used to back up the idea.
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