Nowadays, young people admire media and sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #media #sports #stars #development

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The younger generation

are having

Suggestion

is having

great admiration for media and sport

celebrities

Accept comma addition

celebrities, although

although

Linking Words

they are not perfect role models to follow. In my view,

this

Linking Words

could be seen as detrimental. From one standpoint, emulating famous entertainment stars might spark changing patterns of fashion and

behavior

manner of acting or controlling yourself

behaviour

among young adults who are not mature enough to judge what is suitable within their society. As

matter

Suggestion

a matter

of fact, they show a propensity for copying what those stars say or do on TV, even if their actions go against the cultural value of some localities. Regarding fashion, the way Dam Vinh Hung, who is a renowned Vietnamese singer, dresses would be the onset of a modern yet rather unacceptable trend of fashion with exposed skin. Unfortunately, the young have yet to understand the long-term shortcomings of

such

Linking Words

a trend to

traditional way

Suggestion

the traditional way

of dressing which values the beauty and elegance of clothes

such

Linking Words

as the

Suggestion

Dai

Suggestion

Day

Additionally

Linking Words

such

Linking Words

reverence for celebrities in the field of entertainment would possibly cause a detriment to social security under certain circumstances. A typical example of

this

Linking Words

is the chaos during and after Korean singers and musical bands’ show in Vietnam a few years ago when the crowd of fans went uncontrollable, which caused irritation for the locals and

also

Linking Words

danger

Suggestion

a danger

to the fans themselves.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, if their idols were criticized due to their scandals, they would try to

sugar-coat

coat with something sweet, such as a hard sugar glaze

sugarcoat

suffocate

the situation or even trigger arguments.

This

Linking Words

would be really challenging for authorities

to maintain

Suggestion

maintain

security. In conclusion, I suppose the phenomenon that young people idolize media and sport celebrated individuals who are notorious in some aspects is negative.

Submitted by lulaluclacfamily on Sun Oct 20 2019

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

271 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

media personalities
sports icons
role models
admiration
influence
behavior
mindset
values
unethical behavior
healthy lifestyles
social media platforms
celebrity culture
career aspirations
educational goals
positive change
ethical standards
amplify
idolize
public perception
impressionable

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Nowadays, young people admire media and sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

people have difference visions about shopping online some of them encourage and others says its disadvantage outweigh their advantage, what is your opinion?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

3. Can money bring happiness? Give your opinion and support it with examples

In some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?