Some people think success in life comes from hard work and determination. Others think money and appearance are more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #success #life #work #determination #money #appearance

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Many people argue that working hard and determined person can be successful while others believe good looking and wealthy person get

success

Use synonyms

easier. I personally agree with the

first

Linking Words

idea. On the one hand, it is irrefutable that having

money

Use synonyms

and appearance is a great start point for achieving

success

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

, people having a business idea need to save

money

Use synonyms

before investing in any

industry whereas

Accept comma addition

industry, whereas

those who already have capital can begin to make profit at the beginning.

As a result

Linking Words

, wealthier people earn more

money

Use synonyms

in a shorter

timeframe

Suggestion

time frame

Secondly

Linking Words

, young people whose heights or good-looking faces with no special talent get recognitions easier in beauty and model industries. There are individuals called hot-girls in Vietnam receiving

high

Suggestion

higher

payments

from

Suggestion

for

attending events or advertising a cosmetic product

although

Linking Words

they have

not used that of

Suggestion

not used that

not used that by

not used that by by

brand before.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, if those of people did not value what they have, they might have failed on the way to

success

Use synonyms

because appearance and

money

Use synonyms

could not be taken for granted when they get older.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, people working hard and determining in their career will gradually succeed. In fact, several

survey

Suggestion

surveys

have indicated that more than eighty percent of successful individuals shared one of their secret ingredients was

strong belief

Suggestion

a strong belief

Suggestion

what they do.

Therefore

Linking Words

, they keep them updated with new knowledge and skills by continuously striving for a perfection and improvement.

This

Linking Words

sustainably

capable of being sustained

sustainable

enables them to obtain planned milestones.

For example

Linking Words

, storytelling of McDonald, the founder of a series of fast-food restaurants around the world, who got into affluent community by always reminding himself that he needed to work harder for a near bright future. In conclusion,

money

Use synonyms

and appearance might be a good foundation for people

to achieve

Suggestion

achieving

achieve

Use synonyms

success but

Accept comma addition

success, but

in a long term, people who work

harder

Suggestion

hard

and determiner will be

Suggestion

more successful

success

Use synonyms

Submitted by lulaluclacfamily on Sun Oct 20 2019

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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Some people think success in life comes from hard work and determination. Others think money and appearance are more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

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Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion