IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many museums charge for admission while others are free.Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
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Nowadays, the trend of visiting the
museum
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 has increased significantly. Many
people
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, especially young adults, visit the
place
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 to learn about their culture,
heritage
Correct word choice
and heritage
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 and to gain some valuable information. But, the problem is,
some
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that some
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 of them are free for
public
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the public
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,
others
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while others
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;
however
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, charge for
the
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apply
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entrance
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the merits and demerits of
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entrance
Correct article usage
the entrance
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 fee and will form
and
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an
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 opinion
that
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on
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 why
positives
Correct article usage
the positives
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outweighs
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outweigh
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any
Correct determiner usage
the
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 negatives.
To begin
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 with, the biggest advantage of charging is to generate funds for the running, maintenance and renovation works of the
museum
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. What I mean by
this
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 is the fact that
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the
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museum
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 itself does not have any source to generate revenue, they only display the antique precious items for the public. So that the common man can learn about his values and traditions.
Furthermore
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,
plethora
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a plethora
the plethora
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 of employees who work there
,
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apply
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needs
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need
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 salaries to support their families and to earn bread and butter for them and the best way of doing
this
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 is to charge
people
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 for
entrance
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 to the
place
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. Another advantage could be to protect the precious commodities from the thieves. Nowadays, it is quite common for
the
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apply
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burglars to steal, until and unless there is a strict check and balance.
Therefore
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, making it
entry free
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entry-free
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 will be an open invitation for the thieves, bringing the lives of
people
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 in danger.
On the other hand
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, there is a drawback as well that
less
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fewer
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people
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 will visit the
place
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.
People
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 usually prefer something which is free and easily accessible in
this
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 competitive world.
Therfore
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Therefore
, making them pay means restricting their
entrance
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 and less crowd in the end.
To sum up
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,
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museum
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the museum
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 holds great value for any country. The way they represent
the
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apply
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things is quite impressive. I believe that the advantages of funds generation and protecting the precious items
form
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from
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 the burglars simply
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
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 the negatives of
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
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 visiting the
place
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.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
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