IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people today are spending more and more time travelling to work or school. Some people believe this is a negative development while others think there are benefits to spending a long time travelling to work or school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #time #work #school #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
We are living in a busy world.
Nowadays most
Accept comma addition
Nowadays, most
 of the people spend major part of their day in travels to school or workplaces. Some people argue that spending more
time
Use synonyms
 in
travel
Use synonyms
 is a good practice while others disagree with it.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
point
Suggestion
points
 of view as well as
also
Linking Words
 explain why less
travel
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 is important. In the present era a majority of people believe that spending more
time
Use synonyms
 in travelling to work or school is good practice
.
Accept space
.
There are two arguments behind
this
Linking Words
 thought.
Linking Words
Firstly during
Accept comma addition
Firstly, during
 the journey we will meet new persons and
this
Linking Words
 will give a chance to develop new relationships and
there by
by that means or because of that
thereby
 improve the social behaviour.
For
Linking Words
example if
Accept comma addition
example, if
 we are travelling in a bus or train we can meet different
culture
Suggestion
cultural
 people and we can get a chance to learn new culture or language
.
Accept space
.
The
second
Linking Words
 argument is spending more
time
Use synonyms
in
Suggestion
to
 help to reduce the mental strength.These people believe that during the
travel
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 people can completely forget about their family tension and job related tension. On other hand Spending more
time
Use synonyms
 in travelling has several drawbacks.
Linking Words
Firstly it
Accept comma addition
Firstly, it
 will adversely affect physical and mental health. People travelling long
distance
Use synonyms
 for work become weak due to lack of sleep and proper diet. A recent survey conducted in India reveals the fact that 50 % of people travelling long
distance
Use synonyms
 had
diabetes problem
Suggestion
diabetes problems
a diabetes problem
 due to lack of exercise.
Linking Words
Secondly students
Accept comma addition
Secondly, students
 who used to
travel
Use synonyms
 long
distance
Use synonyms
 spend more
time
Use synonyms
 in
journey
Suggestion
the journey
a journey
 rather than studies will
results poor performance
Suggestion
result in poor performance
result poor performance
 in academics.
In
Linking Words
addition these
Accept comma addition
addition, these
 people will not get proper
time
Use synonyms
 to spend with their families and it will
affects
Suggestion
affect
 their family relationships. In conclusion travelling huge
distance
Use synonyms
 have higher negative
side especially
Accept comma addition
side, especially
 in physical health compared to its positive side. So it is better to
travel
Use synonyms
 small
distance
Use synonyms
 for work and studies and stay healthy.
Submitted by preethikishre on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: