Today more people are opting for cosmetic surgeries, hair colouring and other cosmetics. Why is this the case? Do you think this development is positive or negative?

#people #surgeries #hair #cosmetics #case #development

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Nowadays, many people are paying a huge amount of money to do plastic surgeries to change their shape to have a good look, particularly,

youth

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young

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people.

This

Linking Words

Unnecessary verb

apply

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mostly have a negative impact on individuals and society as

whole

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a whole

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, and few positive

aspect

Change to a plural noun

aspects

show examples

Correct word choice

apply

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will be considered.

Fundametally

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Fundamentally

, there are a number of predominant factors which

tregged

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trigged

trigger

triggered

this

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issue, particularly, celebrity life and efforts of social media.

Firstly

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

youngester

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youngsters

are highly affected by their famous actors or singers,

thus

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, they always

trying

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try

show examples

lool

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look

show examples

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show examples

Remove the comma

apply

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for instance

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, their haircut or clothes or even their facial shape. Thereby, many of them go to cosmetic

clinicsto

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clinics to

clinics

clinic to

do so.

Futhermore

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Furthermore

, the

prencence

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presence

of social media

had

Wrong verb form

has

show examples

changed our life and thought toward cosmetic

surgery

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. So,

Add an article

a friend

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friend

Fix the agreement mistake

friends

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always

recommend

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recommends

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each other to do,

for example

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, surgical nose edits to look more

beauty

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beautiful

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and handsome,

therefore

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this

Linking Words

peer

presure

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pressure

has persuaded many teenagers toward

surgerical

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surgical

clinics.

In addition

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, as many

people

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people,

show examples

these days depend

merly

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merely

on fast food, which

affect

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affects

show examples

their healthy and they become

over

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apply

show examples

wights.

As a result

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, there are many

advertisingl

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advertising

videos

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show examples

Instegram

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Instagram

facebook

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Facebook

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and

twitter

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Twitter

show examples

this

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issue,

for example

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last

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week, I saw one of them

wrote

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write

show examples

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show examples

a post '

One day

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One-day

show examples

surgery

Use synonyms

to change your life from

obasity

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obesity

to health body shape' they posted.

However

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, some of

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this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

adverts are fake and some of them

don

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show examples

not consider the

subsequences

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consequences

show examples

surgery

Use synonyms

on their patient, they only earn money. In conclusion, after a careful analysis of

this

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trend, I believe that most of those who went to do cosmetic

surgery

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have

regreted

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regretted

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apply

show examples

their

desision

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decision

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after afterwhile

show examples

afterwhile

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a while

show examples

, which

costed

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cost

show examples

them a lot of money.

However

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, I think those who have

accident

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an accident

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truma

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trauma

, need

such

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surgery

Use synonyms

truely

Rephrase

apply

show examples

Submitted by mediyprint on Tue Oct 22 2019

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Your essay lacks clear and comprehensive ideas and relevant specific examples.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is somewhat developed, but the introduction and conclusion could be clearer and more impactful.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
48
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Aesthetic enhancement
Cosmetic procedures
Youthful appearance
Social stigma
Celebrity endorsements
Self-esteem
Body image
Cultural norms
Consumer behavior
Psychological well-being
Ethical dilemmas
Media portrayal
Public perception
Non-invasive treatments
Invasive surgeries
Self-image
Plastic surgery
Social identity
Market trends
Personal grooming

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Today more people are opting for cosmetic surgeries, hair colouring and other cosmetics. Why is this the case? Do you think this development is positive or negative?

Your opinion

Shopping habits depend more on your age group than anything else. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

'- Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statemen

Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many scientists believe that now we can study the behavior of a three-years-old child to see whether they will grow up to be criminals.To what extend do you think crime is determined by human nature?Is it possible to stop children from going up to be criminals?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case ? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?