IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like new year or festivals. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #individuals #money #celebrations #year #festivals
People have different views on whether public expenditure on national occasions
such
 as new year or festivals is too much nowadays. While I agree that governments and individuals are spending a significant amount of
money
 on those celebrations, I would argue that
this
 action is necessary and
therefore
 can be considered acceptable. It is true that a large amount of
money
 is currently spent on some important celebrations in a country.
Firstly
, governments
are spending
Suggestion
is spending
 a proportion of their budget on holding events to celebrate these occasions.
For example
, much
money
 is being paid for fireworks on New Year’s Eve in many countries around the world.
Secondly
, individuals
also
 spend
money
 to have celebrations and parties with their families, which is a common habit in many areas.
For instance
, my parents and I often have a special dinner on the final day of every year.
However
, I believe there are great benefits of public spending on national celebrations, and
therefore
 it is completely justifiable. The
first
 advantage is that
this
 is a great way to preserve the culture of a nation. To illustrate, Lunar New Year is an important part of the Vietnamese culture and holding celebrations for
this
 occasion are necessary to remind younger generations of
this
 tradition.
Additionally
, since these occasions are usually the only times for family members to have time and enjoy together, it is understandable that people would want to spend
money
 on something that makes them happy.
Finally
, as there are only a few national celebrations in a year, the amount of
money
 spent on those days is unlikely to be too much. In conclusion, I disagree with the idea that people and governments are spending too much
money
 on national occasions.
Submitted by nice.parker9197 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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