IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public spaces such as squares and parks. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#towns #cities #spaces #squares #parks
Many people argue that every city should provide public areas. I firmly believe
this
 opinion is a great idea for several reasons. On the one hand, common areas bring a wide range of benefits to citizens.
Firstly
, young people have a get-together place where they can meet up to study or play outdoor games. If there were no public places in town for junior citizens to socialize, they would take it as an excuse to interact actively with peers only through
technology gadgets
Accept comma addition
technology, gadgets
such
 as tablets,
cellphones
Suggestion
cell phones
 and computers, which gradually might lead to
sedentary lifestyle
Suggestion
a sedentary lifestyle
.
Secondly
, squares and parks are ideal fresh-air areas for the elderly to do exercise.
This
 especially works for those who reside in major cities with small living spaces. Because a great number of senior citizens have been complaining that their residential areas do not offer sufficient outdoor spaces which prevent them from doing regular exercise.
On the other hand
, having a public park is a necessity for offering
children
Suggestion
child
child's
 education provision. The park with different kinds of tree is a natural source to educate offspring about
natural environment
Suggestion
the natural environment
 as well as environment protection.
For example
, if geography teacher wants students to have a good understanding of how forests play a crucial role
for
Suggestion
in
 the life of all species, the facilitators might take children to the parks and let children experience a smaller version of that of green areas and learn by seeing.
Hence
,
this
 source is much better than showing pictures of national forests from somewhere else across the country. In conclusion, public spaces bring a great
numbers
Suggestion
number
 of advantages for people’s health and education so these areas should be built in all cities and towns.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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