IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many countries the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer. Why is this problem? What solutions are there to tackle this problem?

#countries
Throughout European history, bagpipes have been one of the most significant marks of Scottish music culture. Its importance,
nevertheless
, exceeds the borders of the music scene to become a symbol of a nation. The following essay discusses a few impressions of
this
 unique
instrument
 after
further
 research. One of the most interesting facts about Scottish bagpipes is that
this
instrument
 was considered to be a military armament for centuries. Not due to its deadly power, but thanks to its inspirational influence, carrying bagpipes was considered to be a crime until 1785, when the law was repealed. The memorable aspect about
this
 historical fact is that they were not only used in the entertainment context, but they
also
 played a fundamental role in the empowerment of generations as well.
Additionally
, in its historical background, despite being commonly connected with one region and form, bagpipes have existed in diverse formats worldwide.
Although
 the design might vary, their principal components have been the same: an air supply, a bag with a chanter and one or more drones.
Therefore
, it has become easy to identify which components produce musical flow and which ones are decorative, resulting in a more clear imagine of the
instrument
.
Finally
, the closing thoughts of
this
 work
lie
Suggestion
will lie
 in the future of the above mentioned historical
instrument
. The tradition might be under threat thanks to the general disinterest of the new generation that might consider them old-fashioned;
in addition
 to the limited availability of classes at schools. In order to overcome
this
 situation and maintaining the history alive, essential efforts are required from both the government and the population. To conclude, Scottish bagpipes have shown to hold an extensive and unexpected historical background that symbolizes a
people
Suggestion
person
.
Thus
, it deserves more careful measures in the intension of being preserved.
Submitted by bele_sales on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: