IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them?

#people #reason #effects #individuals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It cannot be denied that in
this
Linking Words
 fast-paced world, people have become sleep deprived, and are not getting enough sleep which is actually required.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate that the main cause for
this
Linking Words
 is the hectic work schedule of people, which in turn is having a negative impact by exposing them to some severe diseases. Apparently, sleep deprivation has increased nowadays because of many reasons.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, people have very busy work life, and a
lot
Use synonyms
 of responsibilities are on their shoulders
,
Accept space
,
which force them to sacrifice their sleep, and work hard for their families in order to earn a livelihood.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is found that the majority of workers in many big have chosen to do an overtime, so that they can fetch extra money.
In addition
Linking Words
, a
lot
Use synonyms
 many individuals have become internet addicts.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they prefer using mobile phones and laptops over having a sound and healthy sleep, which is why they are deprived of their sleep. The effects on individuals could be severe, if not taken into consideration. Sleep deprivation would cause a
lot
Use synonyms
 of health issues in people, who fail to get an undisturbed sleep. To be precise, people would acquire a disease called insomnia, which is a state in which a person is not able to sleep. To elucidate
further
Linking Words
, lack of sleep would cause a
lot
Use synonyms
 of stress to the person, which will ultimately lead to many sleepless nights and
hence
Linking Words
,
thia
definite article
the
this
 disorder. To illustrate,
majority
Suggestion
the majority
 of youngsters are suffering from insomnia, owing to the stressful life, and the absence of a fixed sleeping schedule. To conclude, numerous people are unable to get a sound sleep because they neglect
it for
Accept comma addition
it, for
 spending time in their virtual world, which has caused some alarming concerns like insomnia and other health problems.
Submitted by amannayyar.angel197 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: