IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside.What problems does it cause? What can be done to solve this problem?

#people #countryside #cities #towns
Nowadays, the exodus from countryside to big cities is a fact among young people.
This
 essay will discuss one of the main problems associated with
this
 phenomenon and suggest a viable solution. The principal problem with migration to cities and town is the social pressure it causes to both sides, to villages that lose their inhabitants and to towns that receive them. On one side, these people often go to
bigs
Suggestion
Bigs
gigs
big
 centres with a dream to pursue a career and become successful.
However
, many of them are unskilled workers,
such
 as peasants and factory workers. The concentration of
unskilled workforce
Suggestion
the unskilled workforce
 leads to unemployment and,
therefore
, the increase of crime and violence rates, due to population
pauperization
the act of making someone poor
pauperisation
. On the other side, only the elderly stay in the countryside and, since they are in majority retired, the decrease in the economic active force inhibits the development of the province. A solution to
this
 worrying problem is encouraging these young people to abide in their hometown, by creating
right conditions
Suggestion
the right conditions
,
such
 as employment opportunities and enhancing
well being
a contented state of being happy and healthy and prosperous
wellbeing
.
Moreover
, once they stay and work there, the economic situation will be improved and there will be no need to migration anymore.
This
 is one aspect that should be considered by authorities when it comes to government investment in villages and countryside. In conclusion,
although
 the migration of the young workforce to the cities may lead to an important issue,
this
 problem is not insurmountable. In my view, it is the government’s responsibility to tackle these issues, and they should begin by considering the solutions proposed above.
Submitted by deborazevedo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: