IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead.

#people #animals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Wildlife
Use synonyms
 protection has become one of the major concerns of many countries. While I agree that a sufficient amount of money should be spent on
this
Linking Words
 problem, I
also
Linking Words
 believe that it is important to invest in other issues as well.
Although
Linking Words
 humans and other creatures have been sharing the life on earth for millions of years, our
activities namely
Accept comma addition
activities, namely
 exploiting plants and animals, deforesting, contaminating water resource, hunting and so on never cease to damage and weaken
wildlife
Use synonyms
.These destructive activities led to the extinction of many species
such
Linking Words
 as the two horned rhinos after
along
Suggestion
a long
 time heavy
poching
cooking in simmering liquid
poaching
pushing
, or white dolphins due to polluted industrial water.The serious consequences as
such
Linking Words
 not only disturb the ecological balance crucial for environmental
stability but
Accept comma addition
stability, but
 it
also
Linking Words
 reflects
human's
Suggestion
human
 irresponsibility.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments need to spend budgets to launch projects that help protect
wildlife
Use synonyms
. Some practical examples are adopting strict bans on trade in
wildlife
Use synonyms
 products, setting up
wildlife
Use synonyms
 reserves
,
Accept space
,
implementing projects on recycling and popularizing sustainable products to cut down on plastic waste.
However
Linking Words
,
wildlfe
all living things (except people) that are undomesticated
wildlife
 damage is not only problems that countries all over the world are facing
,
Accept space
,
porety
being undiluted or unmixed with extraneous material
purity
parity
pretty
,
Accept space
,
unemplyement
the state of being unemployed or not having a job
unemployment
, lack of education, diseases
,
Accept space
,
 etc..
are
Suggestion
Are
likewise
Linking Words
achingly
Suggestion
 urgent issues that require governments to pay proper attention to.
For instance
Linking Words
, the path of finding a complete cure for cancer is still in need of massive efforts in terms of people, equipment and funding. As another
example in
Accept comma addition
example, in
economic field
Suggestion
the economic field
, millions of people from different nations are still suffering from poverty and starvation despite the attempt of
goverments
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
governments
 need to have suitable policies
on
Suggestion
for
 allocating
adequate amount
Suggestion
an adequate amount
 of money on different problems as well as setting reasonable priorities. In conclusion, it seems to be clear that all that all the issues mentioned above
also
Linking Words
 deserve to be addressed, protecting
wildlife
Use synonyms
 is certainly of
greate
relatively large in size or number or extent; larger than others of its kind
great
greater
 significance
,
Accept space
,
 but it is just one
amoung
in the middle of
among
 many other problems, which require adequate
fund
Suggestion
funding
 from
goverments
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
governments
.
Submitted by anudreamz08 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • conservation status
  • ecological significance
  • holistic approach
  • endangered species
  • natural heritage
  • unforeseen negative impacts
  • economically non-viable
  • prioritization
  • ecosystem balance
  • conservation efforts
What to do next:
Look at other essays: