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Band 6.5

the chart below shows the value of one country's exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The tables shows the percentage in each category of exports in 2016 compared to 2015

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the chart below shows the value of one country's exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The tables shows the percentage in each category of exports in 2016 compared to 2015
The bar chart illustrates the export
earnings
Use synonyms
 of a country through numerous groups between 2015 and 2016 in
billion
Use synonyms
 dollars respectively. The table represents the change in percentage per category of exports in 2016
contrast
Change preposition
in contrast
show examples
 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the petroleum
products
Use synonyms
, export
earning
Correct your spelling
earnings
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the highest and the lowest
earnings
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 in the transport of textiles for both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
years. The export of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
petroleum
products
Use synonyms
 was $60
billion
Use synonyms
initially
Linking Words
, which
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased by $3
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2016. The Engineering goods transport
earnings
Use synonyms
 were around $55
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2015 and it recorded a rapid increase crossing $60
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2016.
However
Linking Words
, the marketing of gems and Jewellery was around $41
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2015 which has dropped to nearly $40
billion
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agricultural
products
Use synonyms
 experienced
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
similar market
earnings
Use synonyms
 in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
years.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the textiles
selling
Wrong verb form
sold
show examples
 overseas
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 about $25
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2015 and it has crossed $30
billion
Use synonyms
 eventually.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the difference of percentages in data between 2016 and 2015 in petroleum
products
Use synonyms
 was 3% and engineering goods was 8% increase than 2015.
However
Linking Words
, a drop of 5.18%
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 experienced in
selling
Add an article
the selling
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gems and Jewellery.
Finally
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agricultural and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
textile marketing
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 0.81% and 15.24%, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words earnings, billion, products with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Exports, categories, value, goods, services
  • Trends, increase, decrease, percentage, compared
  • Significant, minimal, fluctuation, remained stable
  • Domestic product, international trade, economic indicators
  • Manufacturing, agriculture, technology, textiles
  • Revenue, economic growth, trade deficit
  • Forecast, predict, anticipate, implications
  • Global market, exchange rate, competitiveness
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