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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important to give children the chance to act independently and make their own decisions from early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

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Educating
children
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 is an ever-challenging task. Some recent parenting theories suggest that offspring should be given
their
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apply
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independence when it comes to
behavior
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behaviour
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 and decision-making at an early
age
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.
Due to
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 their lack of maturity at
this
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 stage and the possible long-lasting consequences of their wrong decisions, I totally disagree with
this
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 approach.
Firstly
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, young
children
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 are not mature enough to realize how the world really works. But what does maturity really mean? Maturity represents the experience gained throughout the life cycle, the one which helps people distinguish good from evil,
right
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and right
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 from wrong. At an early
age
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, it's impossible for
children
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 to have
such
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 experience and to use it when needed.
For instance
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,
children
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 tend to believe that everyone around them is as caring and loving as their family;
therefore
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, they are an easy target to people with hazardous intentions,
such
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 as
pedophiles
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paedophiles
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, kidnappers etc. In order to avoid
this
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 kind of people, it's advisable that especially at an early
age
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,
children
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 should not take actions without their
parents
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' approval.
Secondly
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,
children
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taking
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making
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 their own decisions at early stages might result in irreversible consequences later in life.
For example
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,
children
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 who have peers that smoke, drink alcohol, or even take drugs, might get curious to try them as well, enhancing their chances for regular use. If
children
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 hide
this
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 from their
parents
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, they will cause permanent
damages
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damage
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 to their health. Considering
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this
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these
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 options and their potential drawbacks, young
children
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's decision-making without their
parents
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' guidance, is completely unacceptable. In conclusion, we cannot expect
children
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 with neither life experience, nor a realistic view of the consequences of their actions, to behave and make decisions independently.
This
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 only emphasizes their need for
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parents
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parents'
parent's
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advise
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advice
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 and protection, at least until the
age
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 of 18.

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Task Achievement
Consider incorporating a more balanced view by acknowledging some benefits of children making independent decisions, even if you ultimately disagree. This can strengthen your argument by showing awareness of differing perspectives.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the main argument and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next. This will enhance the overall coherence and make it easier for the reader to follow your reasoning.
Task Achievement
While the examples are relevant, adding more specific or varied examples could enhance the points made and help to illustrate your arguments more vividly.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear position with a strong thesis statement in the introduction, making your stance on the issue evident from the beginning. This is an effective way to engage the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is largely logical, with well-defined paragraphs each focusing on specific points. This helps in maintaining a good flow throughout the essay.
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