IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #impact #people’s #lives
In recent times, the
media
 and its offshoots are playing a vital role in everyone’s life. Because of
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
widespread criticism that states the role of
advertisements
 being telecasted
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 television or shared
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 any
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
 seems to be demoralising and
carry
Correct subject-verb agreement
carries
show examples
 little
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
.
While
 I concede to
this
 belief about the maligning impacts of commercials, I have some reservations
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
 completely banning those.
To begin
 with, we have been acclimated to watching
advertisements
since
Change preposition
for
show examples
 more than 3 decades. Interestingly, the role of
media
 has become enormously aggressive
such
 that most of the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 it annoys
people
 when they are watching any interesting content on television or in any electronic gadgets.
For example
, there are multiple brands of shampoos and hair dyes being endorsed by various film fraternities. It is a regrettable fact that being a social icon, the celebrities support
such
products
 without assessing the ill nature of the additives present.
Furthermore
, when
people
 start to use these
products
, it leads to skin irritation and rashes
instead
 of giving the promised outcomes. Having said that, are
advertisements
 really behove to the benefit of
people
? If it does so, it would not need any sort of endorsement to be made in the
media
.
For example
, there are no
such
 posters made for buying food from any established food outlets
such
 as McDonalds or KFC.
Therefore
,
people
 should not fall into the trap of buying those advertised
products
 without weighing their health or skin compatibility with those chemicals.
However
, if any, of the
products
 are supported by the government or any civic societies,
then
 we can buy those
products
 after careful consideration. To recapitulate,
advertisements
 are made only to reap revenues by hoodwinking unbelievable benefits to the layman. It is our imperative responsibility to examine the
advertisements
 before deciding whether to buy the product or not.
Therefore
, I agree that
advertisements
 are always deceptive to consumers and
people
 should not fall into their traps.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Improve task achievement by addressing the prompt more directly and providing a balanced argument.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen coherence by organizing ideas more effectively and using cohesive devices to link the ideas together.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: