IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community work (for example, working for a charity, teaching sports to children) should become a compulsory part of the high school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #work #charity #sports #children #part #school #curriculum
In
this
 day and age, the question of whether high
school
 students are forced to engage in free
community
 service programs h
as receiving
Suggestion
has received
was receiving
a great deal of public attention.
Although
this
 policy appears plausible, I believe that it should not be compulsory among these pupils. On the one hand, it should be admitted that unpaid
community
work
 holds several benefits.
First
, since these
work
 could create an ideal environment for high
school
 children to develop their social skills
such
 as teamwork skills or problem-solving ability, activities like working for c
harity
Suggestion
a charity
charities
or teaching sports to children should be encouraged. Working in a group to allocate each i
ndividual’s
Suggestion
individual
mission,
for instance
, requires students making use of their logical and critical thinking, which could be inexorably linked with preparing children for necessary skills now and down the road.
Second
, by receiving diplomas when evolving in t
hese
denotes a person or thing
this
free
work
, high
school
 student could have a plus point in applying for studying abroad scholarships. In fact, there are numerous prestigious colleges and institutes have a tendency to give a priority to candidates who earned diplomas of
community
 services when they were high
school
 students, enabling them to become more competitive.
However
, unpaid
community
work
 should not be compelled.
Firstly
, because these activities could deprive time for studying o
f
Suggestion
with
students,
this
 could have negative impacts on their learning. As a r
esults,
Suggestion
result
 they could not have enough high academic results to pursue tertiary education, which lead to the lack of qualified employees.
Moreover
, it could be unfair w
ith
Suggestion
to
disadvantaged students who have to
work
 in order to reduce financial burden on their parents.
This
 means that high
school
 pupils from adverse background would do two jobs contemporaneously, resulting into b
e
Suggestion
being
detrimental to their health because of overwork. In conclusion, high
school
 students should take part in free
community
 programs due to some compelling reasons.
However
, I am convinced that it should be voluntary
work
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: