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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school, some people believe that this has negative development while others think there are some benefits. Discuss both view and give your opinion

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It is true that travelling to
work
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 or
school
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 is now more
time
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-consuming than before for many
people
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. Despite some benefits of
this
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, I believe that it is a negative trend in the main. Admittedly, there are a number of positive effects of longer
time
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 spent
on
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apply
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commuting and travelling to
school
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. The first one is that
people
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 have better
accommodation
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accommodations
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,
more
Correct word choice
and more
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 spacious
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home
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homes
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 when they live far from
work
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 and
school
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. With the same amount of money, an inner-city apartment is often smaller and provides less access to
the
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apply
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nature compared to a house in the suburbs.
This
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 increases the quality of life and well-being of those who decide to reside far from city
centers
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centres
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. Another advantage is that more
people
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 travelling farther to
work
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 or
school
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 means less traffic congestion in urban areas. In developed countries,
such
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 as Japan and Australia, citizens often go to
work
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 or
school
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 by train because of the distance from their
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home
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homes
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.
As a result
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 of
this
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, the number of private cars on the road decreases, which helps to ease traffic gridlock in city
centers
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centres
show examples
. I personally argue that more
time
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 spent on travelling is a negative trend. My first reason is that
people
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 have to wake up earlier in the morning and head
home
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 later at night, and
this
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 means that they have less quality
time
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 to spend with the family. They may have to start a day at 5AM to catch a train and come
home
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 at 9PM, which literally deprives them of
time
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 to bond with their spouses and children.
Also
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, more
time
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 spent
on
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apply
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travelling to
work
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 and
school
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 may cause fatigue and lower productivity. Employees tend to show up at
work
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 and students are likely to attend class without
necessary
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the necessary
show examples
 energy and vitality to yield good results and focus on lessons. In conclusion,
while
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 there are certain benefits of living far from
work
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 and
school
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, I firmly believe that
overall
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 the drawbacks are more significant.

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task and discusses both views, but you could strengthen your position by adding more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay is logically structured, consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
In your second body paragraph, you could provide more in-depth analysis of the negative effects of commuting on individuals and families.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic and your stance, setting a good foundation for your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your opinion and reiterates the main points discussed throughout the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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