These days many children spend a lot of their time playing computer games but little time doing sports. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #time #computer #games #sports #development

With increasingly developing

technologies modern

Accept comma addition

technologies, modern

children tend to spend their leisure

time

playing computer games rather than doing sports.

This

is explained by grabbing the attention of children

Suggestion

with

computers, phones and etc., while there is no occurrence of propaganda of sports. It will hardly affect the health of children as well as the relationship and psychological state. With inventing computers and mobile phones, children's attention was grabbed by technologies. It is interesting to play Counter-Strike with friends rather than walk around

streets

Suggestion

the streets

Therefore

, more and more children began not to go out, but to play in the virtual

world

Moreover

, there

are

Suggestion

lack of propaganda of sports in the

world

, so that children prefer to play games, sport is not interesting to them.

Consequently

, children were faced by unexpected implications of

such

an approach. Playing games

instead

of doing sports may significantly affect the human body.

First

and foremost, children’s visual apparatus will be damaged. There is a tendency among children to wear spectacles, because of the continuous

time

spent at the computer.

Secondly

, there is a probability to get a curvature of the spine.

Commonly children

Accept comma addition

Commonly, children

are bending over while playing games, that will lead to scoliosis, lordosis and kyphosis.

Thirdly

, electromagnetic waves of gadgets will definitely effect on

human brain

Suggestion

the human brain

, that will

consequently

lead to weakness, fragility and dizziness.

However

, spend

time

at the computer will not only affect the health of a child, but

also

affect the surroundings and mental state of a child. By playing games most of their

time

, children may forget about the real

world

and may have started to depend on the virtual

world

This

may lead to social isolation of the children and do not

accepting

Suggestion

the real

world

Furthermore

, children may become angry and anxious,

therefore

the relationships with parents will be damaged. In summary, technology became an important part of our lives, that may affect the health and psychological state of

children

Suggestion

the children

. That was occurred by grabbing the attention of children by gadgets and lack of propaganda of sports.

Submitted by krutoman731 on Tue Nov 19 2019

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

340 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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These days many children spend a lot of their time playing computer games but little time doing sports. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Every one of us should become a vegeterian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some People Think That Allowing Children To Make Their Own Choices Is Likely To Result In A Society Of Individuals Who Only Think About Their Own Wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In many countries art galleries visitors have been declining steadily. What are the possible reasons? How to change this trend?

In the future, the main reason for going to shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that managers alone should make decisions in the company, while others think that employees should be involved in the decision-making process too. Discuss both views and give your opinion.