IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some employees want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more advantages than disadvantages?

#employees #contact #staff #times #holidays #development
Today's modern
world many
Accept comma addition
world, many
employee
Suggestion
employees
for
Suggestion
in
from
 different areas is working together.Around the globe
employee
 can meet with one another.
Employee
 for various areas feel more comfortable if they will live together all
time
.My reasons for
this
 view are personal and professional. From a personal perspective,
Employee
 can help each other to learn more regarding their job.Scarce
employee
find
Suggestion
finds
 more information
of
Suggestion
about
on
 work when they are working.They are able to mitigate
thair
of them or themselves
their
 threat by themselves when they are alone.
Consequently they
Accept comma addition
Consequently, they
 feel more comfortable when they are
contact
Suggestion
contacted
 with staff.They
also knows
Suggestion
also know
 the values of contacting people. According to personal
vieew
a way of regarding situations or topics etc.
views
,
Accept space
,
a big advantage is if they live
togather
in contact with each other or in proximity
together
 they lose all their
time
.
Accept space
.
They are compromised and lose all their life privacy.They feel tremendous
pressur
the force applied to a unit area of surface; measured in pascals (SI unit) or in dynes (cgs unit)
pressure
 every
time
.
Also they
Accept comma addition
Also, they
 are not able to do proper
time
 to their family.All
time
 their mind stressed with work. From a professional perspective
,
Accept space
,
employees are working together in a company.These companies get more progress when they are in
connection
 all
time
.
Accept space
.
For
example by
Accept comma addition
example, by
 using
latest technology moble phone
Suggestion
the latest technology mobile phone
latest technology mobile phone
 they are able to connect with each other and discuss about
problems face in
Suggestion
problems facing
problems facing in
problems faced in
 their company.By using
this
 latest technology they are
reached
Suggestion
reaching
 peak performers in
future
Suggestion
the future
.Professionally highlight
this
 company that
succeed
Suggestion
succeeds
 with their
emploee
a worker who is hired to perform a job
employee
employees
employer
connection
 all
time
.So a lot of
time
 they update by their employees. It is
also
bad effect
Suggestion
a bad effect
 professionally that
employee waste lot
Suggestion
employee waste lots
 of
time
 when they are in
connection
.Even they are not able to
creat
make or cause to be or to become
create
somthing
an unspecified thing, agency, amount, etc.
something
 by
own
Suggestion
owner
. In conclusion
,
Accept space
,
Connection
 between
employee
 is necessary nowadays.Employees working with fully confidence when in
connection
.In my opinion
time
 is
more precious
Suggestion
most precious
 resource: everyone should
known
Suggestion
know
 the dignity and glory of
time
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: