IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the *causes* of this? What are the *effects* of this on individuals and on the society?"

#people #time #home #*causes* #*effects* #individuals #society
The home remains a safe haven for many,
however
 in recent times, a number of individuals have been seen to spend very little
time
 in their houses. In my opinion
,
Accept space
,
this
 occurs
as a result
 of traffic congestion as well as the need to pursue multiple streams of income, which eventually have rippling effects on individuals and the community. Admittedly, build up of traffic makes people to spend reduced amounts of
time
 in their homes.
This
 is because
this
 increases their travel
time
 to and
fro
a giver or sender
from
 their places of business and work, leading to people getting back home later than usual.
Furthermore
,
Accept space
,
another cause of
this
 development, is the fact that humans are in pursuit of alternative sources of income so as to meet their increasing demand and lifestyle.
This
 act leads to them juggling their 9-5 jobs as well as a side entrepreneurial job, which makes them work longer hours.
Consequently
 the effects of shorter stays
by
Suggestion
with
 people in their residences affects them and the society in general. On the persons affected,
this
 makes them more stressed and more predisposed to general health issues.
Additionally
 the public suffers as well, because parents tend to leave their children and wards to nannies who may abuse them and they eventually grow up becoming damaged adults with
behavioral
of or relating to behavior
behavioural
 issues who become a menace to the society. To conclude, persons spending less
time
 at home is caused by a number of factors which in the long run, affect their general well being as well as
produce
Suggestion
productive
 members of the society who are of questionable character.
Submitted by mail4lisa04 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: