IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Question: Some people feel that public money should not be spent on cultural amenities, such as museums, theaters and art festivals. How important do you think these things are to society as a whole ? Are there any areas which are more important for the government to fund.

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Answer It is believed by some people that
government
Use synonyms
 ought not to spend public funds on cultural attractions and events, namely museums, theatres and cultural celebrations, because they are not necessary.
However
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, to see the funding of
such
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 historical ar
tifacts a
a man-made object taken as a whole
artefacts
nd ev
ents useless m
Accept comma addition
events, useless
ight be a narrow- minded view, even though there are other equally important sectors that deserve
government
Use synonyms
's attention. Admittedly, art infrastructures might not bring out any useful inventions that can improve the quality of our life, but
that is
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 not to say it does not help with cultural preservation. The ideal way generations to can know about our ways of life is to safeguard the precious ar
tifacts i
a man-made object taken as a whole
artefacts
n museums and celebrate cultural festivals. In
such
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 places, people can appreciate cultural symbols or display their luxurious and unique regalia. Another significance of preserving heritage sites and events is that it could possibly generate foreign exchange.
For example
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, religious tourists flock in thousands yearly to Jerusalem in order to observe Jesus' tomb. Even though hu
ge amount o
Suggestion
a huge amount
huge amounts
f money might be spent to maintain historical sites, the money would be recouped ten times over.
Moreover
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, the generated income can be used to fund other crucial societal areas. Foremost among these other areas is security. Any serious
government
Use synonyms
 would want to ensure there is adequate provision for sa
fety o
Suggestion
the safety
f lives and property, and that people can conduct their activities of daily life without any atom of trepidation.
This
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 can only be achieved by heavy investment in procurement of arms, recruitment of relevant security personnel, and maximization of technology. A
second
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 core sector is job creation. If authorities neglect the provision of adequate job opportunities for its numerous citizens, it would undermine any effort to beef up security.
This
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 is because more people would become involved in anti- social activities to survive.
Th
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is t
Suggestion
These
wo sectors, along with the art, appears to be key areas
government
Use synonyms
 need to focus on In conclusion, cultural preservation should be seen as among a range of issues that deserve huge
government
Use synonyms
's expenditure due to its vast income generating potential enough to fund other aforementioned areas.
In addition
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, it ensures the stability of culture for years to come

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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